What the heck was she thinking?

I'm Still Alive, Pt 2

2011-10-15T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well, hello there! Yes, it's me. I know, I know, you thought I was gone. I thought I was, too. I'm toying with the idea of pulling the old blog out of storage, dusting off the cobwebs, and giving it another go. Now that I've lost the small following I've had, and all. ;)

This last year has been a bit rough. Health issues, emotional challenges, lots of soul searching and loads of adjusting. We've gone from brick and mortar schooling back to home schooling, MM has changed jobs again, and I've gone from full time to part time to full time and back to part time again at work (with the same great company). We've bought a house and have spent the last six months settling in.

Part of the reason I wanted to start blogging again is because my friend M has suggested a new challenge for us. Our goal is to do the three day Komen walk next year in San Diego.

I have a history of dreaming big and not following through. I have been searching for an adventure - something that I had to work hard to accomplish, something that would benefit others, something I would be proud of myself for achieving. I've always wanted to do this walk, but never believed I could. I HATE to exercise, I have at least 100 pounds to lose, and, as I mentioned previously, I like to dream big and don't always end up following through.

I want this to be different. I want to do this for my health, for everyone who has had breast cancer, and for all the people who love them. This is for me, my grandmother, and my friend Deb. I want to raise money for the cause, I want to lose pounds and gain health while preparing for this walk, and I want to end this knowing I accomplished something I never thought I could.

I still have doubts, but, I want this. I want to finish this. I don't want to let down M, and I don't want to let myself down. I've got twelve months to prepare for this, and I'm starting my training today.

At this point, my plan is to at least keep my training schedule blogged. I'm on a three day a week schedule at work, so I'm hoping to at least check in two or three times a week. I'm starting off with an easy 20 minute stroll every day, starting today. Each week, I'll add either speed or time to my routine. Once I get acclimated to my daily walk, I'll start working on distance.

With a lot of hard work, next November I'll be spending a week with Mara in San Diego, donating $2300 to the Komen Walk For The Cure, and amazing myself with both my accomplishment and my new found, much improved health.

Hellllloooooo There!

2010-09-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead!

I've just been busy. And lazy. And feeling very unbloggy and introspective. I've spent the last month coming to terms with my life - what it is and isn't, what it can and could be - and finding out I'm pretty damned happy with it.

I've been thinking about blogging, I really have. I've also been thinking about not blogging at all - thinking about writing a goodbye post and closing it all down. I started this blog to talk about and talk through homeschooling, and since we don't really do that any longer, it became my place to muse and vent and write stuff out. But, I wasn't real sure I wanted to blog about the stuff going on here anymore. I'm still not, actually.

But I'm also not quite ready to say goodbye. And then I got this blogging award from one of my dear web friends, and I thought I'd best resurface for a bit. Since she still cares and all. :)

The award is “Cherry on Top” Award for “beautiful blogs with that little bit extra”. First of all, thanks, Sheri! I'm not sure it's deserved, but, I appreciate it!

The rules are that I answer a question and nominate six more bloggers. I'm not sure I have six people, but, I have a few in mind. Anyway, here it is:

1. Answer this question: If you had the chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you, and what would it be?

Oh, man, I can only pick ONE? That's impossible. There are so many things I wish I had or hadn't done, so many things I would like a do-over on. If I had to narrow it down, I wish I would have traveled around the world and lived in a different country before I married and had a child. Now it seems so difficult to attain, and there are so many other people's desires and feelings I have to consider. Well, OK, only two people, really, but since I'm married to one and the mother of the other, they're feelings are fairly important to me. So it feels sometimes like more than two, if you know what I mean.

2. Pass the other award along to 6 of your favourite blog writers.

In no particular order:

My Foil Hat. I love this blog. Amy has home schooled four boys and has survived to tell the tale. I love her writing, her humor, and her insight on education. I live vicariously through her trips to the beach, and have a secret desire to hide out in her SUV and join them on the next trip. But, in a totally non-creepy sort of way. Really.

ImPerceptibility. Even though she officially said goodbye to her blog a month ago, I'm not ready for it to end. Another homeschool blog, with a twist of, I don't know, a twist of SOMETHING. She's hilarious, she's out there, her posts often have me in tears. I love her blog, and I'll really, really miss it. But it's worth every minute to read all the old posts, so check her out.

Where the FuhKaui. Vicki is living my dream life - traveling in an RV unschooling her kids and seeing America. She's not afraid to try anything new, she's someone I can count on for advice and and vicarious adventure, and she posts great videos on Facebook.

Squid Ink. She eats bear after being a vegetarian for 20 years. She goes to Hippie Camp. I want to steal her son's hair. I love checking in and seeing what she's up to. What more can I say?

Regular Mom. She's a poet, she's a homeschooler, she's sarcastic, and she's the Arbiter of Art. Again, what more can I say?

3. Thank the person who gave you the award.

Thank you, Sheri, at My Leftover Life. Sheri has been with me since the start of my blogging, she's always there with encouragement and support, and I swear she's my Canadian alter-ego. We just seem to get each other, and the older I get, the more and more I appreciate that connection with someone, no matter where they are. She is funny, sweet, and writes some pretty amazing poetry, which I've completely quit commenting on, because my comments were usually just something along the lines of "Oh, my gosh. That's EXACTLY how I feel!!"

So, I'm seeing a common link here with these blogs. They're all by women, they all make me laugh, make me think, or make me cry. They're all mom's. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of the blogs is either that they're hilarious, well written, or just someone I love to "visit". They all deserve the Cherry on Top award. And to any readers I have left, go check them out.

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming

2010-08-24T19:42:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a more hopeful today. The benefit of my short attention span is that I don't stay upset for too awfully long. I get distracted too easily by all of life's possibilities.

After wallowing in self-pity for a few days, shedding a few 'poor me' tears, and a lot of support from my friends and family, I feel better. Much better.

I'm going to go with option two - the much more affordable community college route - for nursing school. There's a wait list, so I'm having my test results sent over, I'll fill out my application packet and get it all turned in, and wait. When my turn comes up, I'll see where life is at that point and go from there. Nursing may never be my future, but I'm not ready to give it up yet.

In the meantime, I'm finishing up my associates degree this next semester, and moving on to ASU. For what, I'm not totally sure yet, but I have a semester to decide. I'm thinking of something along the lines of Organizational Behavior, which looks somewhat interesting, is on the list of degrees my employer will pay for and would be of use both as a nurse or at my current job. As much as I LOVE my history classes, I don't know that I want a degree in that field. I'll see how I feel in a month or two, when I actually have to make a decision.

Now, I'm off to fold a ton of laundry in preparation for my birthday trip with my mama Thursday and my root canal tomorrow. :)

The Post in Which I Feel Sorry for Myself

2010-08-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

You've been warned. Feel free to move along if you want to skip this one.

I went to the financial aid meeting for the nursing school I've been accepted to, and after it was all said and done, I'd owe somewhere in the neighborhood of $80k in student loans. That's with what I've already borrowed, plus, the exorbitant cost of the school added in. This, coupled with the fact that I'm losing my insurance and the pay I currently receive (couldn't keep my current job and do this), and the fact that my husband's job isn't reliable enough to support us completely...well, all this basically made going to this particular school impossible for me.

So, my options are to change my degree and incur no further student loans, as my current employer will foot the bill (who I love, by the way, absolutely a great company, but let's just say that being a banker/customer service rep is not what I wanted to be when I grew up); go to a community college and finish nursing school at a much lower cost (still trying to make the no insurance and loss or substantial decrease in my income work); or, say fuck it, I'm tired of all this, and quit school altogether.

Right now, I'm feeling rather sorry for myself and am leaning towards option three.

I feel like MM's job situation is not going to change anytime soon. We're thankful that we're both even working right now. AZ's unemployment rate is crazy high. I'm not sure we'll ever be in a position where I can not work again, especially long enough for me to finish two more years of school.

Which leads me to my other current issues: I feel like I've lost all the things that really mattered to me when MM was laid off in Texas. I had to go back to work and lose time with BW, home schooling went out the window when I wasn't there to facilitate it, and the nursing/ultrasound tech degree I'd been working towards in Texas now looks impossible to finish.

My employer wants me to come back to work full-time in order to change departments. My only option to get out of the department I'm in right now (which, quite frankly, I'm ready to do) is to go back to full-time. If I don't quit to finish school, I feel like my options are pretty limited there unless I'm willing to work more, and since BW opted to go back to school, I might as well.

BW is happy at school, but, he is already expressing a desire to come back home. I know if I were available to make homeschooling work, he'd be all over it. And I truly believe it would be the best option for our family. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of control over even my part-time schedule, so I'm not clear on how we'd make that work.

I'm feeling like working hard for a goal isn't enough - and we're in that place where we're not making enough money to truly be comfortable, but we make too much to qualify for any help in the way of grants and aid for me to finish school.

I'm also feeling like a complete fuck up, because if I would have finished school when I was fresh outta high school, the VA and my mom would have paid for it. Since I spent five or six years drifting, and then spent another five or six years recovering from my misspent youth and getting my act together, I'm screwed now. The VA (and my mom) are no longer willing to pitch in. This is the culmination of all my previous bad life decisions, as well as the good ones. If I were a single parent and not making the salary I make, I'd have all sorts of help.

The hard part is, MM is truly relieved that I'm not going. He's upset that I'm upset, but, relieved he won't have the burden of supporting us. And I get that, but it still sucks. He's promised he'll work two jobs, do whatever it takes to get me through school - and he would if I told him I was going to finish - but then he tells me how sick he is at the thought of not being able to make it. And how much it bothers him that I'd be leaving the job I have now.

I can't do it to him. He's not totally on board, and I don't feel like I can do it without 100% of his support. Even if I were to choose the community college route, I don't think he'll ever be comfortable with me leaving the job I'm at. He's looking for a better job, so maybe there's a chance, but I'm not all that hopeful.The job he's out now he enjoys, and the pay is OK, but it's construction-y, so there aren't reliable hours.

I'm at the point now where the life I live is completely opposite from the life I dream of. I really thought nursing would be the key to making it happen, and I feel that I'm not only giving up my career aspirations, but I'm losing the life that that career would have allowed me have. I have to get past that, and figure out how to do the things I want within our current reality.

I'm sure it's possible, but I'm not feeling very hopeful right now.

I Said Good Day!

2010-08-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

Wow. I have been neglecting this blog something fierce lately. Not only have I not been writing, I've not been reading either - I just spent the last hour catching up on a month's worth of blogs I like to follow. I kinda feel like I just spent my morning drinking coffee with a couple of good friends, which was nice!

A lot has been happening this last month. We've had some personal drama here in our house with our adopted family member. I'm not going to go into it all, but, it's filled up a lot of our time.

I was in training for a month at work, so I had was doing a full-time Monday through Friday shift that had me up early each day. Between that and the gym, my days we're pretty full.

Hubby has been working out of town for the last several weeks. Usually he's home on weekends, but hasn't been able to come home the last few weeks. He's been popping in and out on the odd day on his way through town, but, needless to say, we haven't been seeing a whole lot of him. We miss him!

BW decided that he wanted to return to public school again. I'm not even sure what to say about that. He decided a week before school started. I'm completely depressed over the whole thing, but, we've always said it would be his choice, so we enrolled him. Hopefully it won't be like a repeat of last year. It's a different school, so, we'll see. He gets to join band this year, which seems to be the main reason he wants to go. I'll have my very own band geek.

BW had his braces put on this month. He's got this retainer thing on the roof of his mouth, and now he can barely talk. Which is just the tiniest bit awesome, because anything that slows down that kid's talking is a benefit, let me tell you. My ears get tired just listening to him on some days. I'll post a picture of him getting his teeth pulled, with the gas mask thingy and cotton rolls sticking out of his mouth, he looks like a little piggy.

I was asked if I wanted to go back to full-time at work and start doing mortgage origination. I'm torn, because I really don't want to work full-time right now, but if I want to learn this, part-time isn't an option. It'd give me a chance to possibly get into underwriting, which I think I'd like.

The day after I found out about the mortgage thing at work, I learned I was accepted to the nursing program I applied to. Now I have to make a decision, and I have no clue what to do. I've been working so hard towards school, but, I don't know if we can afford for me to go. I'd be losing our health insurance, and the income I bring in. And I LOVE the company I work for, I just don't love exactly what I'm doing right now, though that can change as time passes.

I kind of feel like I'd be on my own if I go back to school. Well, that's not quite accurate, it's just that my family isn't 100% supportive - they don't quite get why I'd leave a perfectly good job to go back to school. They aren't really negative about it, just not really positive either. When I thought I might not go, I got a lot of relieved sighs and "I know you're disappointed, but, this is probably for the best" type comments.

I'll be spending the next several days writing a pros/cons list, I guess. I am starting to feel that little bud of excitement about maybe being a real, live, actual nurse. I'll be sure to put that in the pro section of my list. :)

KD's Doll Shop

2010-07-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

There's a lot going on here, but I have to take a minute to give a shout out to a friend of mine, Kristi. She makes these wonderful Waldorf inspired dolls, and I just bought one for a sweet child in my life. As you can see by the pictures, she LOVED it!

Check out Kristi's shop if you have a need for a beautiful handcrafted gift. You won't be disappointed!! The dolls are absolutely WONDERFUL!

My Raw Experirment

2010-07-10T13:03:00.001-07:00

Good Saturday afternoon to you!

I've been nearly raw now for about four days. I've been trying smoothies for breakfast and dinner (fruit and green leafy veggies - sounds horrible, looks gross, tastes surprisingly good!), raw fruits and veggies for snacks, and something cooked for dinner - mostly brown rice and steamed veggies.

It's been surprisingly easy and satisfying. I'm still having my coffee in the morning with a small splash of milk, and I did have popcorn two nights that I didn't have rice and veggies - air popped with some buttery spray (gross, I know).

I'm still in that 'inspired' stage of change, where I'm all gung ho and happy about it, so I harbor no illusions about this being a permanent change. Only hopes that I can incorporate it into one.

My weight has dropped a few pounds, I've still felt great energy wise, and my salt and fat intake has (obviously) dropped dramatically. I'm still making sure to add a little bit of salt and fat into my daily diet, but at a much healthier level. I'm still hitting the gym at least three days a week, and trying to swim on the other days. I'm still having a hard time with the exercise. I really don't *want* to do it, but I'm doing it. Maybe one day I'll find something I can somewhat enjoy.

I think living in Phoenix helps a lot with the eating - we have a lot of access to local produce and no harsh winters where nothing can grow. Our garden is producing, but not as well as we'd like. I'm hoping to be able to grow a lot more of my own foods next year. There are plans of a green house attached to the side of my mom's place to protect our garden from bunnies and quail, cute little thieving bastards that they are. I keep threatening to buy a pellet gun and add a juicy quail breast to my dinner, but the thought of eating it raw has ruined that little fantasy.

Nothing else is really new here. MM is enjoying his new toy, I'm still waiting to hear on the future of nursing school, and hoping all my transcripts get there in time to find out this month - I've sent three requests to Texas and have yet to receive anything from them. If I don't get them, I have to wait until August, which will piss me off. BW is enjoying the waterpark and all our outings. All is well!

I'm off to enjoy the rest of my weekend - and hopefully everyone else is, too.

Going Raw ... Again

2010-07-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

I know I've blogged about this before, and I so wish this could be the last time, but, I know it won't. I am a food addict. I truly believe that I have an emotional and physical addiction to eating in a way that is damaging to my mental and physical health. I'm not sure how to cure it. I'm not sure where that magic switch is that I can flip to change my eating habits for good.

Until I can find it, I'll be on the eternal quest to take better care of my body, to figure out a way to eat that I can both stick to and love. I keep coming back to raw, or mostly raw as a solution. I believe that it's the kind of change I'm looking for. It's fairly simple, it's better for both my body and the environment (I've been eating such unhealthy foods, and foods produced in such unhealthy ways), and if I can get over the cravings and keep on top of the shopping for fresh produce, it should be easy to implement and live with.

It sounds good in theory, anyway. In practice, I've tried this three or four times and I've never been able to stick with it for more than a month. And the month long trial only happened once. So, yeah, here I go again.

I have been going to the gym at least a few days a week for the last couple of months. I've been doing better with my eating, but not well enough. Again, always a struggle, always a challenge. The exercise has helped, though. I've found a few muscles I didn't know existed (well, hello there! so nice to have finally met you!!), and while my knee has been hurting in different ways, the grinding while going up the stairs thing has all but quit - I can feel muscles in my legs actually working as I go up, which relieves a lot of the stress on my knee. So, success on that end. Yay, me!

As for eating, I seem to have no will power. And I don't know how to fix that. I always promise myself to do better tomorrow, to start eating healthier next week, to just get through this weekend and then I'll eat nothing but cabbage to make up for it. It's much like my misspent youth. Lots of promises to straighten my shit up, but no real change for years. Until I was just ready to change. And I did. I found that magic switch to flip.

I'm not sure I'll ever do that with eating.

Goooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalll!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-03T22:12:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love the way the announcer yells that during these soccer games? It has absolutely nothing to do with this post, I just couldn't think of anything else for a title. Sorry.

There have been all sorts of happenings here lately. We've sold a car and bought a car - I promised MM a sports car for his 40th, and he found a 1999 Corvette with less than 20,000 miles on it. I posted some pictures down below from my phone.

BW went away for two weeks to camp and to his cousins' house. He had a good time, but was getting pretty homesick by the end. He doesn't feel he needs to do camp again unless it's secret agent camp or we go as one of the counselors. He was really uncomfortable not being able to call us at all (so we were), and he said it was fun, but not that exciting.

We went to the Musical Instrument Museum, which is even cooler than it sounds. We spent nearly three hours there this afternoon and still didn't get to see all of it. They really have a great set up, you learn lots, hear lots, and there's a great hands-on section that we all had fun with. If you're even in Phoenix, I highly recommend it.

We hit the new aquarium at the Arizona Mills Mall a few days ago. It was fun, but pricey. And aquariums always seem way too small for the amount of money you have to pay to get in. We did have a good time, though, and BW learned some cool new facts, so it was worth it.

We went to go see both Avatar: The Last Airbender and Prince of Persia this week. Prince of Persia was very Mummy/The Scorpian King-esque. It was entertaining and fun, but not spectacular. The Airbender movie, on the other hand, wow-ee. It was BAD. Horribly, shockingly, spectacularly bad. Did I mention it was bad? The dialogue was bad, the special effects were bad, the acting was, ok, not BAD, but not really impressive either. The only good thing was the fact that I saw it with M1 and had somebody to make fun of it with. I was so sad and embarrassed for M. Knight. I really expected more from him.

I made reservations to go camping near San Diego for my birthday in August. I'm very excited about it. I think a few days in San Diego will do us good.

I got new glasses and ordered a box of contacts. I can see while swimming again! Yay, me!!!! I haven't worn contacts for years, so I'm happy to go back to them. At least part time, anyway. I still like my glasses for every day use, but, it's nice to use the contacts as a backup.

I've realized our dog is dumber than a box of rocks. We've lived on the third floor for months and she still stops on the second floor every single time we take her out for a walk. So, four times a day, times six months, the dog heads to our downstairs neighbor's door. I'm not even sure what to say about it, I honestly thought dogs were a little brighter than that. I honestly thought she was a little brighter than that. I was sadly mistaken.

I'm addicted to Facebook Scrabble. It's the first thing I do when I get up and the last thing I do before going to bed. If you're my FB friend, you need to start playing with me. NOW. I'll wait while you sign up.

.....

I've been posting on FB but not blogging. I'm not sure why, I guess I've had a short attention span lately. Sorry about that.

I've applied - like officially applied, sent my transcripts, took the entrance test - for nursing school. For my BSN. I'm nervous about the whole thing. I'm hoping I get accepted, but I won't know more until mid-July. I'll let you all know when I find out. Wish me luck.

I'm still working out three days a week or so. I can really tell a difference, finally. My leg muscles are finally getting stronger, and I can feel a difference when I go up and down the stairs. Apparently my doctor wasn't kidding when he said improving my muscle tone would help.

MM's been the perfect husband lately. Affectionate, happy, in a great mood, etc. He spent much of last night telling me how much he loves me, how he wants to grow old with me, that I'm the only one for him, etc. Granted, he was a teensy bit drunk, but that was only last night. He's being supportive about me quitting my job if I get into nursing school, says he'll get a second job part-time if necessary so I can finish. He even cleaned the house today while I went out to lunch and the Musical Instrument Museum with BW, Catherine and her son. Without my even asking him to. I figure he's either cheating on me or still really grateful for the Corvette. I really think it's the 'Vette, but I'm going to keep my eye on him for a while anyway. He has been working out of town for the last several weeks....

So, that about summarizes all the happenings here in our household lately. Like I said, lots of stuff going on. It's been a flurry of activity. Lots of fun things, though, which is always good. And lots of learning, just in our every day life. I think I'm more sold then ever on some form of home schooling or unschooling for the boy - I just hope we can make it work schedule-wise. After learning that we're 49th in terms of education spending per child, I'm having a hard time justifying any reason to send him back to public school. I think we'll just focus on what we've been doing since school ended. Playing, reading, going to museums, watching interesting things on television, traveling, and being together.

Wipeout and Spermy Grooves

2010-06-13T19:32:00.001-07:00

Wipeout is starting again on June 22nd! We just watched Wipeout: Blind Date, and laughed for two hours straight. I love that show. I can't explain my fascination with it, other than people willingly choosing to be filmed while being knocked down over and over again delights me more than words can say. And the Big Balls! Oh my, I still laugh at the Australian episode, Big Balls: Down Under. Seriously, who thinks of this stuff? If you like watching people getting knocked off things and falling in the most spectacular ways, check it out.

Wipeout is also pretty much what I did with my eating the last two days. Weekends just kill me and I really have to get that under control. It wasn't too horribly bad, but it wasn't how I wanted things to be. I did swim for a couple of hours, though, so hopefully that made up for some of the crap that I ate.

We're going to have a couple of weeks here without BW. His aunt called and wanted to know if they could have him for a week, and the day he gets back from there, he's off to camp for a week. We asked him if he'd be OK being away from us for two weeks, and his response is, "Well, yeah, I'll miss you. But I'll get over it!" Gee, thanks. I feel bad that we can't return the favor with our nephews, but sorry, three kids in a two bedroom apartment is too much for me to handle. Waaaayyyy too much.

Last night I got to spend a couple of hours with a cousin that I never, ever see. The one that actually lives in the same state with me, too. We're averaging about an hour or so each year because we're close like that. It was nice to see her and her son, though - I like her, she's fun. I don't know why I've never really connected as an adult with the cousins on that side of the family. Not like the Texas cousins, anyway. We've tried to rekindle our relationships through the years, but it never really seems to stick.

I'm beat and I want to finish watching Expedition Great White. One of the scientists just shouted, "Sperm in the groove, that is awesome!" while making a note on his clipboard. Right after another guy stuck his finger in the poor shark's spermy groove. Apparently, sexually violating a male Great White is scientifically noteworthy.

So yeah, big balls and shark porn - an exciting weekend at home. Don't you wish you could be me?

2010-06-10T19:21:00.000-07:00

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

Well, Hello There!

2010-06-10T15:08:00.004-07:00

So it turns out that switching to part-time at work just leaves me feeling even guiltier - I still am too busy to get EVERYTHING done that needs doing, but no longer can use work as an excuse. WTF?

We've had all sorts of happenings this last month, as I noted in my last post. So, in no particular order, here goes:

- BW turned nine this month. NINE. We're about to enter the double digits. It was a pretty low key birthday, just cake and dinner with grandma and M1 and the kids. And year number five of MM's mother completely forgetting the day. I think at this point I'm just at a mild simmer. I've grown to accept that it's going to keep happening, and to realize that it's a little freeing - I no longer have to feel responsible for the special days of that side of the family. And it doesn't really seem to faze BW at all, so I'm trying not to be to pissed off about it. I've come a long way in five years, haven't I?

- I got MM's initial (which, ironically, really is an 'M') and a tiny heart tattooed on my ring finger. We don't wear rings any more, he's had my initials on his finger for a few years now, I decided I'd take the plunge. Now I really do have to stop and count the tattoos from head to foot to tell people how many I have.

- M1 and I spent three nights in Vegas, and it was so wonderful. Just me and her, no kids or hubbies. I've missed spending a lot of time with her, it's hard with everyone's busy schedules, but four whole days alone was like four whole days of stress-free bliss. I can't wait to do it again.

- BW and I drove to Texas to visit my other bestest friend, M2, much to her surprise. Her husband and I planned it several weeks in advance and kept it a secret. I got to let myself into her house and see her surprised face when she realized I was there. The trip was much, much too short, but, it was absolutely wonderful and I can't wait to see her again. I love her so much, and it just sucks not being able to pop around the corner to her house to see her every single day. Possibly the one and only downside of leaving Texas. Oh yeah, that, and having to go back to work. But the work thing pales in comparison to not getting my daily dose of friendship.

- We went camping with MM's brother and his family - the first time I've camped as an adult and I'm sold. I've been over zealously shopping for camping equipment on ebay. Let's just say we have a lot of campfire cookware arriving here in the next several days. And I've got at least one percolator too many.

- BW's been listening to Lady Gaga. He loves that kind of music, I downloaded it knowing he does, but without having ever really listened to the lyrics. My mistake. He asked me what a disco stick was. And proceeded to tell me he thought she meant penis. I had to google it to be sure - because I'm that cool.

- I took C out to the Melting Pot for dinner for her birthday. We haven't been there for years, and it was oh so yummy. We don't exchange gifts anymore, really, just take each other out on really fun outings or to dinner. I looooove that place, and I actually didn't eat so much this time. I wasn't completely miserable when I left! Progress!!

- I started an exercise/eating plan. I'm trying to do weight watchers again. I got an Android phone and there's a great app for tracking things. I'm going to the gym at work three nights a week with my carpool buddy - which means I actually GO three nights a week, rather than blowing it off. I'm going to start swimming with BW on my off days, so I'm aiming to average six days of activity a week. So far, so good. I'm doing pretty well with both the eating and the exercise, and I've got support to motivate me to stick with it.

- I'm going to finish nursing school. I know I keep changing my mind, but I keep coming back to it. I'm thinking about going to a private school here to get my BSN, I could actually be done in about two and a half years. I'm hoping that'll keep me motivated to keep up the exercise and eating healthy as well, because if I had to be on my feet for 12 hours a day now, I'd probably need a nurse.

- I've been promising MM a sports car for his 40th birthday since before BW was born. This morning, we took the plunge and are the proud new owners of a 1999 Corvette. With only 19,0000 miles on it, even. MM is over the moon. It is a pretty car, if you like that sort of thing. Personally, I'd rather have a Stingray. I'm thinking a month of backpacking through Europe for me in three short years. A present for graduating college and my 40th, if all goes well.....

Busy Beaver

2010-06-07T08:44:00.002-07:00

....

....

Sorry. I'm still laughing over my title. Once again, I amuse pretty much only myself. And usually Sheri. ;^)

The last three weekends I have been to Vegas, drove twelve hours to Texas to surprise M2 and the family with a weekend visit, and then went camping with my brother-in-law and his family.

In between, I have worked, gotten a new tattoo, began writing a song, celebrated Boy Wonder's 9th birthday and made at least two questionable parenting choices. Probably more, but only two stand out.

I have to get ready for work so I will write a real post later, but for now, I'll leave you with the song I'm (re)writing to honor Baskin Robbins ice cream. Please sing it to the tune of Master of Puppets:

Baskin! Baskin!
Where's the ice cream, I've been askin'?
Baskin! Baskin!
Fattenin' up my thighs...

Returning to Home Schooling

2010-05-16T08:58:00.002-07:00

With the school year coming quickly to a close, I've been thinking a lot about what the next year of home schooling is going to look like. I'm excited about getting back into what we enjoy most, and hoping that BW's year of third grade wasn't too damaging to him. He's learned that it's not OK to get excited and ask lots of questions about things - you get in trouble for that!

The kid has almost all A's (one B) and he's constantly getting in trouble for talking, which tells me he's bored. He does have a little bit of a persecution complex, and he talks so much and so fast that what most people hear is a general buzzing - I liken it to a gnat on coke who just drank several cups of coffee and wants to discuss his REALLY GREAT IDEA, DUDE. I try to keep that in mind when he tells me about his day, but sheez, when he's excited about what he's learning and asking tons of questions and being shut down, it pisses me off.

I do get that the teacher does not have time to answer off topic questions about the subject, but, it's sad. If a kid is interested in something and wants to learn more, it bites that he's being punished for asking questions. He's been sent to another teacher's classroom, to the "trouble desk" for it. I had to bite my tongue and not ask if he had to wear a conical hat with 'dunce' written on it as well. Here's to humiliating kids as a form of discipline! And BW tells me this stuff, I have yet to get a note from the teacher or any mention of this during the parent teacher conferences. WTF?

We're both looking forward to getting him the hell out of the system. He did say he didn't want to finish the school year, but when we talked about it more, he decided he'll stick with it until it's over. I had initially told him he had to, but recently gave him the option of leaving before the end if he wanted to.

Anyway, we have a math program we've liked in the past, so I think we'll go back to that. BW wants to learn Greek. We've talked about starting with Latin, which is going to be a hoot since my only exposure to a foreign language curriculum was two semesters of high school Spanish - my only take away from that year is the all important 'Donde esta el bana?'.

Other than math and Latin, I envision lots of trips to the library and local museums, lots of reading, and lots of exploring our city. And maybe some letterboxing. I think we'd have fun with that. I'm also going to have to start meeting some Phoenix home schoolers, which makes me feel a little nervous. Not because of them - I'm sure they're very nice - but mostly because I'm shy and meeting new people fills me with trepidation. It's going to feel like my first day of work all over again.

So we'll be spending our summer recovering from the school year. I've got us season tickets to one of the local water parks, we've got a vacation to plan for the end of August, and a load of library books to read. It's going to be a beautiful summer.

My Week Has Been Filled With Poop

2010-05-13T17:22:00.004-07:00

I've been having one of those weeks.

The child needs braces - which turn out to be extremely expensive, in case you didn't know.

The dog went from constipated to not constipated. VERY not constipated, if you know what I mean, and VERY all over my carpet.

I was woken up later that same night by the smell of it happening again. Being awakened by a smell is never, ever a good thing. Unless it's the smell of coffee and bacon and it's somewhere north of nine in the morning. This midnight smell? This midnight smell was definitely not coffee and bacon. Not even close.

After cleaning up yet more liqui-poo, a late night dog walk, and finally, FIIIINALLY falling back to sleep, I was woken up again by the child at o'dark thirty.

That was just one 24 hour period. The rest of the week was fairly similar.

And, have I mentioned the nose bleeds are continuing? Daily? And that BW is at the point that he HATES school, so he's in a foul mood every day when I pick him up? And MM is out of town for work, and, I'm ready to admit it, he does the bulk of the food shopping and cleaning? So the house has been lonely AND dirty AND I've had to figure out my own meals? (Poor, poor me. I know.)

Things are starting to look up though. MM will be home in the morning. I got a new camera from my mom - I love hand-me-downs. I was able to score MM tickets to one of the Suns playoff games for Father's Day. I'm going to Vegas in a few weeks with M1, child free, for three whole nights. I've been going to the gym at least three days a week, and have an appointment to get my "exercise prescription" from one of our personal trainers tomorrow. And The Office is on tonight.

So, even though my week has been literally and metaphorically filled with poop, it's looking up.

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T09:34:00.001-07:00

I hope everyone has a lovely day with their families!

Fragrant and Hot Marxism

2010-05-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

A Sampling of Chinglish - Slide Show - NYTimes.com

The Gym and Girl Crazy Eight Year Olds

2010-05-05T22:22:00.004-07:00

Out of the last six days, I made it to the gym FIVE TIMES. As in, almost, but, not quite, SIX. That has to be some sort of record or something. I even went in on my day off.

I'm so proud of myself, because, one, I very much do not enjoy exercise (see how I'm trying to retrain myself not to say 'I hate exercise'?) and, two, because I've started exercise plans before and have very rarely made it past day two. And day six is at least three times better than day two, no?

YAY, ME!

Now totally out of left field, I'll change topics on you - this has been more and more on my mind of late: the girl craziness. BW is nearly nine, and has been very aware of the opposite sex since sometime around his fourth birthday. He's always asked lots of questions about girls and sex and boys and bodies and penises and vaginas (which blogger has determined is spelled wrong...perhaps vagini?) and and and.....!

To date, we have discussed masturbation, erections, what a period is, why it happens, how it happens, no - the two little rocks I keep in the jar are not my periods - they are gallstones (although my uterus and gallbladder were removed just a few months apart, so I do understand the confusion), tampons, pads, douching, condoms, pregnancy, sex, sexual responsibility and a ton of other things I've quite probably blocked out in self-preservation.

After my initial shock, I've done my best to answer him truthfully and fully - meaning, I answer, and continue to answer as long as he continues to ask questions. When he's had enough, he lets me know. Usually by saying something that totally throws me off, like, 'Wow, mom. Do you think you could save all the blood in a vial?' which turns the topic of conversation to coagulation and, ew, why on earth would you want to save it in a vial??

I'm hyperventilating just a bit right now reliving some of our conversations. Because he's EIGHT. And he already has girls fawning all over him. And it freaks me out more than a little. I'm afraid my only hope is to coat him in alternating layers of latex and lambskin from head to toe and lock him in a box for the next twenty years.

On one hand, I want to answer his questions. I don't want to put him off - they aren't inappropriate, he's curious and I don't want to demonize anything. MM, spending his childhood as both a late bloomer and a total geek is no help at all when it comes to the age appropriateness of these question and answer sessions, so we just wing it. So far, BW feels totally comfortable asking me all sorts of awkward (for me) questions, and for that, I'm thankful. When he clams up, I'll panic.

What is making me think even more about this is a discussion going on amongst participants in the LIFE is Good unschooling conference group. There's all sorts of discussion about teen and tween sexual expression. It got me thinking - when does innocent curiosity become sexual experimentation? I'm afraid the time I have to prepare myself for BW's experimentation is not going to be nearly as long as I would need and like for it to be. And, what can I do to prepare BW for it? Because I harbor no illusions about a teen's (please, please, please let him at least be a teen) ability to find a time and a place for sex.

So, am I doing the right thing by being open, by answering all his questions, by repeating over and over again (in a non-judgmental way) the emotional and physical (and LEGAL) consequences and responsibilities of sex when the topic comes up?

Or should I start shopping for spray-on latex and a box?

Laundry Day, Bloody Noses and School, oh my

2010-05-02T14:10:00.005-07:00

It's that time of week around here. Yesterday I spent much of the day at the zoo and then M1's house, which means I got absolutely nothing done. Working three days a week does have the somewhat exciting consequence of having to worry less about work clothes, but, there does come a time when there is just nothing clean left to wear, and work clothes need special attention, like line drying. Having no decent place to hang stuff up, they get ignored for as long as possible.

It's dry and windy as all get out here - I feel like I'm back in West Texas. The result? BW's started in with the bloody noses again, one last night and one this morning. Early this morning. Ugh. Time to bust out the humidifier. Or move to Florida. Somewhere humid, where the nasal passages stay nice and moist. Our method of dealing with bloody noses usually involves the shower and a wash cloth - BW's had issues with them since he was two, and trying to wrangle a two year old who is gushing blood is an ordeal - so straight to the bathtub he went. It often looked (and sounded) like I was slaughtering a goat in there, but was much easier to clean.

I think I mentioned school is over for me, for the summer. I found out I have one more class to get my AA, and then it will be time to move on to the University. I'm not looking forward to it, I've found comfort at the community college level. I can handle it, easily. I know what to expect. I am happy I'm so close to actually finishing SOMETHING, though. I've heard AA degrees normally don't take 20 years to accomplish, so there is that - it's finally nearing it's end.

I've been on a reading binge to celebrate, which has been wonderful. I finished the latest from Clive Cussler, Maeve Binchey, Lee Child and Patricia Cornwell all in the last week. I started Stephen King's Tower (The Dark Tower? I can't remember...) series yesterday. Even though his ending always piss me off, I keep coming back for more. I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess. Also, I joined the gym at work. My carpool mate and I are planning on going three days a week, and, who knows, I may try to hit it every now and then on my days off. There's that goal of walking across the GG Bridge I'd like to accomplish this fall, so, time to get to walking - and not outside in the 42 bajillion degree summer heat here in Phoenix, either.

So, nothing else really exciting (ha!) to report. Have a happy week, readers near and far!

Sun City ladies about to make reality TV debut | Phoenix News | Arizona News | azfamily.com | Yahoo News

2010-04-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

Kristine Harrington reports some Arizona residents are about to make their reality television debut starring in a new show called 'Sunset Daze' described as a cross between 'Golden Girls' and 'Jersey Shore.'

Oh, my.

Sun City ladies about to make reality TV debut | Phoenix News | Arizona News | azfamily.com | Yahoo News

The Walk in Which the Cactus all Looked Like Penises

2010-04-25T11:26:00.003-07:00

We got up early-ish this morning, and went to the skate park. While BW and MM messed around on their boards, I set my playlist to Rob Thomas and got to walking. M1 and I have decided that we will be walking across the Golden Gate Bridge this fall as part of our lose weight/start exercising more challenge, and today is finally DAY ONE of my walking plan. I've been putting it off for a week because I'm being lazy.

Unfortunately, I didn't bring my camera, because when I rounded a corner, I saw this:

An Agave in bloom.

And then I saw four more. I was surrounded by them, these towering, twenty foot tall, phallic blooms.

I was trying to find a picture here to show you, and while none really captured the true penis-like nature of the plants I saw, the picture above came close.

I also learned, while looking for pictures, that most agave plants bloom dramatically and then die.

There's a metaphor in there somewhere, I'm almost sure of it.

The Eagles: Assisted Living Tour

2010-04-24T12:07:00.004-07:00

I've kinda crapped out on the blog the last week or so - posting articles and whatnot instead of actual posts. Things I wanted to share, when I didn't really have time to write. I've never really done that before, and I'm not sure I like it. Although, I gotta say, it was easier than actually writing a post.

I've had all these things I've wanted to blog about, but now that I actually have time to do so, I've forgotten most of them. Maybe I'll remember as I continue.

The one thing I do remember I wanted to write about is last Wednesday. MM and I went to see The Eagles. I can't stop ranting and raving about how absolutely amazing it was. The Eagles have been the soundtrack to much of my life, the first music I can really remember listening to. Them and Jimmy Buffet.

I can't even describe how I felt listening to them. I actually cried during I Can't Tell You Why. Because I'm such a sap. It reminds me of my husband - "Nothing's wrong as far as I can see/We make things harder than it has to be" and "Every time I try to walk away/Something makes me turn around and stay" - and there they were. Real, live tears. Through the whole song. I swear, ever since I had BW EVERYTHING makes me cry. Sheesh. Anyway, our marriage has had so many of its ups and downs through the years, and it's a song I can really relate to. Thinking about walking away, but, being unable, unwilling to do it.

Anyway, no opening act, just three hours of them playing. A few of their individual solo hits, a smattering of the new stuff, most of the major classics, and they were INCREDIBLE. For so many of the songs, I just leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and let the music engulf me. It was magical. Yes, I'm a dork. Music does that to me, though. Especially music that has been such a big part of my entire life.

Anyway, on to other subjects.

The big upset in the home schooling 'sphere is the whole GMA unschooling thing. Ugh. On one hand, it pisses me off. Yep, being with your kids all day long, creating an open environment for them, providing them with inspiration, support, freedom to follow their passions is lazy parenting. While shipping them off to school and not being involved in their education at all isn't?

On the other hand, it's the media. They presented the story they wanted to present, they chose the parts they wanted to to support the story they were writing. It was one sided. We all know that, right?

Now don't get me wrong: there are lots and lots of brick and mortar school parents who bend over backwards to be involved in any way they can with the schools and their kids. And then there are others who don't. Others who ship the kids off to school and that's the end of their involvement. Who are so happy to have a little peace and quiet. A free babysitter.

My feelings are that no one solution is right for everyone. Some kids do great in b and m schools. Some families don't have any other options. Some kids that are home schooled would probably be better off being educated by someone other than their parents. But the nice thing about the country that we live in is that there are options. We, as parents, should always strive to do the best we can for our children. And if we feel that option is home schooling or sending our kids off to school, then we should do what we feel is best. And be an active participant in which ever choice we make.

I don't understand why this is such a dividing issue. Just because someone chooses to do something different from what you do doesn't make it wrong. Just like religion, folks. Believe what you believe, accept that others are trying to do the best they can for themselves and their families. Good fucking god, people. Why the controversy?

Personally, I plan on home schooling BW again next year. He wants it, I want to do it, and I think I can do a better job for him at home. I'm also voting to raise taxes for education. Because the schools need it. And better schools lead to better communities, and better communities lead to better cities and states and nations and so on. This doesn't have to be such a divisive issue.

Watch out for the CRUNCHY BITS OF HORN!

2010-04-18T09:27:00.001-07:00

Who couldn't use a little unicorn meat in their life?

Rabid Otter Killed After Attacking Elderly Man - cbs4.com

2010-04-16T20:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah, they try to look all cute and innocent, but, secretly, they're plotting to attack our elderly.

Rabid Otter Killed After Attacking Elderly Man - cbs4.com

Bobcat invades Phoenix man's attic with babies in tow | Phoenix News | Arizona News | azfamily.com | Yahoo News

2010-04-14T21:52:00.000-07:00

Maybe this will solve the roof rat problem. Or is this going to be like the whole introducing the mongeese to Hawaii issue?

Bobcat invades Phoenix man's attic with babies in tow | Phoenix News | Arizona News | azfamily.com | Yahoo News

Awesome Post About Unschooling

2010-04-13T18:03:00.002-07:00

I read this today over at Swiss Army Wife - it's wonderful, and just what I've been needing to read lately.

How to Trust Children Who Stare at Gorillas

Stink Foot

2010-04-13T10:55:00.002-07:00

I have another foot thing.

WHAT. THE. EFF.

(I'm trying not to blog like I talk in real life, because not only does my mother read this, but, zombies help her, she tells others about it, too. See, mama, I'm a good girl - I don't always talk like a sailor.)

(Kidding, mom. I don't care if you tell people.)

Anyway. Back to my foot. There is another lumpy thing about the size of a pen tip right next to where I had the last one removed. Even though they biopsied the last two little bastards (really, censorship only goes so far), the surgeon can't really tell me WHAT they are, or WHY they're there. I don't know why I didn't go to a podiatrist to start with, but that's my next step.

Oh yeah, I know why I didn't go to the podiatrist first, I thought it was a splinter. Which it apparently is not, unless the splinter had an army of friends and is slowly trying to win the war by giving me Alzheimer's. Or making me go broke with medical bills. Or making me walk unsteadily so I'll trip down the stairs. Maybe it's a three pronged approach?

Doesn't matter, the fact is, something in my foot is trying to kill me. Or drive me mad. One or the other.

I thought, hell, maybe it's plantar warts and my surgeon is an idiot. I looked them up online and while the written description sounds exactly like what I have, the pictures don't look like my foot thingies at all. My science guru, M2, says it's not warts because they would have been able to see it was a virus in the biopsy.

But...

Did you know that warts are a virus? I didn't. Did you know that plantar warts come from being infected by HPV? As in human papillomavirus? As in the sexually transmitted disease? The one that causes genital warts and cancer?

For minute there, I thought maybe I had an STD on my foot. The doctor and M2 say no, but wouldn't THAT just be amusing since it keeps coming back to haunt me and if it was plantar warts it maybe could have been cured the first time.

Since I don't really frequent gyms or public pools, the only thing I could think of was, if I did have the stink foot, I'll bet it came from one of those little pedicure places. I'll bet all that chatting back and forth in a language I don't understand wasn't just, "Dumb American and her yucky feet!" and "Has she seriously never heard of a Ped Egg? There better be a big ass tip for this.".

Now I'm thinking there may have been a little, "I can't touch these feet again. Bob! Go grab that vile of HPV. A little case of stink foot will keep her outta here!!"

Brains

2010-04-12T21:11:00.004-07:00

So, I went back to work today and I'm now OFFICIALLY PART-TIME. I can't tell you how good that feels to say. Seriously. I hope this feeling lasts for-evah and evah! The new schedule seems like it's going to be pretty awesome, everyone was happy to see me and have me back, and my boss went and picked up lunch for everyone.

There was only one, teeny tiny problem.

We have these dry erase boards at our desks. People use them for notes, messages, drawings, whatever. I was walking to my desk, and my cubie - who's new-ish to the team, keeps to herself, and has a plethora of religious paraphernalia all over her desk - had something written on her board:

"HE HAS RISEN."

Which I can only assume is a left over Easter reference. The problem I'm having with it is that it's written in bright red, and it's all scribbly. This does not in any way look like some sort of loving devotion to Christ. It looks scary. Vaguely threatening. And a little like someone dipped their finger in blood and drew it on the board.

Every time I walk by, I check the area for zombies. Because somebody has risen. And judging by the handwriting, he's pissed.

When Less is More: The Case for Teaching Less Math in Schools | Psychology Today

2010-04-12T20:53:00.000-07:00

An interesting theory.

When Less is More: The Case for Teaching Less Math in Schools | Psychology Today

Sunday

2010-04-11T16:27:00.002-07:00

Today is my last day off from the broken arm. Tomorrow I go back to work, but switch to the part time schedule. Yay! I'm so hoping this is the key to having everything else click into place. I'm so stressed out with school and work and trying to be 'present' wife and mother.

To commemorate my last Sunday, and to get back in the world after far too many days in my recliner, BW and I met M1 and her kids at the theater to see How To Train Your Dragon - totally awesome, by the way. We did lunch, went to the park, and then I took BW to a tattoo shop to have his ears pierced again.

He's been wanting to re-do them for a while, but I wanted him to have it done by someone who knew a little more about piercing than the 16 year old working at Claire's. He's thrilled with the whole experience, and he handled it really well. Even after he saw the gigantic needles they use. ;) Now, not only does he have his ears pierced again, but we can easily switch out the balls on the barbells for little skulls like he's been wanting. My sweet little monkey, he's so punk rock.

The only other interesting thing going on is that my husband and I have a bet going on right now - who can go the longest without a snarky comment or pissy attitude. We've got ten bucks riding on it, and I have to admit it's really hard. I did it because I he's been such a crab lately (more so than usual, I mean), but the funny thing is, I've caught myself biting back some scathing comment at least a handful of times. Just since last night. So, yeah, something for me to work on - as it turns out, I've been a bit of a crab lately, too.

Republicans Turned Off By Size of Obama's Package - Obama Package Size Headline - About.com

2010-04-09T19:07:00.000-07:00

Republicans Turned Off By Size of Obama's Package - Obama Package Size Headline - About.com

Oh, my. This made me giggle. A lot.

A Pinch of This, A Touch of That

2010-04-08T14:07:00.005-07:00

I've been home for nearly a month now, between my foot surgery and broken arm. I'm getting bored.

BW's at school all day, so nothing to do there. I haven't felt good enough to really do anything but lay around and read or watch tv. And surf the web, which fills my mind with all sorts of crazy ideas.

Like what, you ask?

Well, I really, really want to live aboard a catamaran and sail around the world now. Which is kind of amusing in a few different ways: I get motion sick very, very easily - sometimes playing video games does it to me - and then there are my somewhat unnecessary but still very real fears of sharks and pirates. Unnecessary because I live in Arizona so it's sort of a waste of time as far as fears go. Real, because, well, it actually makes me a little nervous to think about sharks and pirates. Go figure.

Today MM got off work early, so we went to Jason's Deli for lunch. Since I'm trying to eat healthier and track those dadgum calories, I did not get the Plain Jane Potato. Over 2000 calories for a potato. Holy cow, y'all. I got my favorite, Jason's vegetarian vegetable soup and the salad bar. I actually feel like I get what I pay for at that salad bar. It's one of the few where I would actually pay more to buy those things and prepare a salad at home then I spend going out. A rarity when eating out, isn't it?

BW is starting tennis lessons next week. He's been wanting to do something, ANYTHING lately, and tennis interested him. It's a little less than two months of lessons, and I'm hoping he enjoys it. And it looks like we are definitely going back to home schooling this year. He is complaining more and more about school, which I find amusing because grade wise, he's doing better and better.

He's not liking all the 'just because we do it this way' rules that don't make sense, and there's been some bullying. Nothing huge, but enough that it's made an impact. We've had a lot of good conversations about it, and I hope it makes an impact on his treatment of others - you know, the now that you know how it feels, hopefully you won't ever call other people mean names impact.

Since it looks like this is most certainly what BW wants to go back to, MM and I had THE TALK. MM was totally on board when we started home schooling, but has become more and more disillusioned as we've progressed. Part of it is the 'it's not natural to be with your kids so much' mentality, which he realizes is more of a personal opinion based on his own feelings then a core belief. The rest is that he thinks we do nothing but play all day, and how can that possibly benefit our child - childhood isn't supposed to be all fun and games, by GOD. OK, he hasn't said those exact words, per se, but I can see it in his eyes that he wants to. And it amuses me to no end, because it's such a husband thing to feel. It was nice to see The New Unschooler post something very similar about her husband's feelings on this, at least I'm not alone there. :)

I'm going to tell you something today that I don't think I've talked about before. Ready?

My husband is a grouch.

It drives me crazy, I've tried like hell to change him, but it's been pointless. He's nearly always irritated about something. I swear, it's sometimes like he's the little old man in Up. Now, to be fair, he gets over his little pissy moods quickly, but he's still a grouch a good part of the time. And if he thinks other people are having too much fun, it irritates him. This the basic problem with our version of home schooling. It looks too much like fun and not enough like SCHOOLING.

Between not being able to see things being done on a daily basis (think worksheets and spelling tests and book reports and the like) and the appearance that we're doing nothing but goofing off all day long, he's not digging the home schooling. Listening to History of the World audio books is NOT the same as MEMORIZING all the IMPORTANT DATES, being TESTED on SAID DATES, and CREATING A SHOEBOX PANORAMA DEPICTING YOUR FAVORITE EUROPEAN DICTATOR, WIFE.

The fact that BW went back to school without a hitch did give me some validation for how we've spent the last two years, but MM's still thinking that it was ONLY THIRD GRADE, what about FOURTH GRADE, OR SEVENTH GRADE, OR HIGH SCHOOL. Just because it worked for THIRD grade DOES NOT MEAN it will work for the rest of his education. (That's how MM talks when he's irritated. All in CAPS.)

Anyway, today we had THE TALK. I have been recently told that I'm a little too critical, which is not entirely untrue. I began THE TALK with a little mental preparation. I asked myself the question I am using to try to become less naggy and critical - are you trying to launch a respectful, two way conversation, or are you just being a bitch? I decided I wasn't being a bitch (yay, me!), so I continued by asking what his latest thoughts were on home schooling.

He gave me the 'it's not normal for anyone to be around anyone 24 hours a day' crap. (Oooh, a little bitchy there, this is obviously a work in progress.) I gently pointed out that there's really nothing wrong with it, brought to his attention all the things BW does with people other than us, and that HE doesn't have to be around us all day since he's working, so if I'M ok with it, perhaps he could get over that hurdle. He agreed with me there, so progress was made.

Then, I asked him if he trusted me enough to home school - did he believe that education in general, and our son's education specifically, was of high importance to me? Yes, he said, he believes that. Does he trust that I wouldn't want to set my child up for failure by raising him in a way that would leave him unprepared to function in our society? Yes, he said, he trusts that I wouldn't want that. Does he think I'm smart enough, dedicated enough, passionate enough, patient enough to home school our child? Yes, he does. Well, then, can we start there, with that basic understanding and trust, and do this again? Yes, we can.

I have two goals with all of this: the first, is to be more respectful of MM's opinions, and try to incorporate things into our home schooling that are measurable to make him a little more at ease. Hello spelling tests and work sheets! Second, is that his grouchiness is more of an internal personality issue, rather than a personal reflection of me - and I really need to try to not let it irritate me. I react to his bad attitude with one of my own, and then it all gets blown out of proportion. I can change my part of that, and I'm going to work on it. Which is really all anyone can do.

Whew! I've been mentioning a little here and there about going back to home schooling, but I think today is the first day I realized that we are going to be home schoolers for real again, rather than just in spirit.

And, whew, what a long ass post. :) Feels good to get it all out of my mind and onto the blog. And as of today I can almost type like a regular person - albeit a much slower than average regular person who is in a moderate amount of pain!

Anyway, my point is, I feel like I'm home again. Things are starting to feel better, look better, my attitude is back in a happier place. I'm feeling hopeful again.

To celebrate, I think I'll price a few catamarans.

Post Easter Hangover and Chatter

2010-04-05T08:55:00.003-07:00

Too. Much. Chocolate.

I feel like absolute crap today. I cannot resist a Reese's Peanut Butter Egg, and yesterday I had meat for the first time in about three or four weeks. The combination did NOT go over real well with my tummy. Back to eating healthier today!

I have an outline due for one of my classes today that I must finish, and I just can't get started. Part of it is the one handed typing thing. Although, you'll note, it doesn't keep me from blogging, it just triples the time it takes me to do it. :P I've already pushed back my due dates, and I really need to get motivated. For some reason, writing the outlines for papers is the hardest part for me. I hate having to come up with thesis statements. I like to just let things evolve as I type. Although, once I get the damn statements written, it's pretty easy from then on, so there is some benefit to it.

BW is over the whole brick and mortar school thing. He used to tell me he couldn't wait to get back to school, he loved it, he had so much fun, and the like. Now, he's done with it. He wants to go back to homeschooling, he isn't having fun, when will it be over, and so on.

I wouldn't mind pulling him out, but his father sure would. We told him when he decided he wanted to try it that he would need to complete the whole year, and then he could go back to home schooling if he wanted to. There's less than two months left. In the interest of not completely irritating my husband, he's just going to have to ride it out. And it's not like he's miserable - just bored. His grades are good, but he's through with the whole outside validation of getting a good grade. And he's discovered that school isn't about having fun with your friends all day. Summer cannot come soon enough.

I'm switching our dog to a raw food diet tomorrow. Why? A few reasons. My husband cheaps out on the dog food, she refuses to eat it or eats it and about gasses us out of our home, and the raw food is cheaper than the really good kibble that it kills my husband to spring for.

I found a raw dog food co-op here, so we're going to give that a go. I was able to get her food and treats for a month for just under $60. She's about 70 pounds, so that's pretty close to what we spend on dry food each month. I'm going to see how she does, and then switch the cats over if she does well. The food is already ground and frozen into ten pound bags, so it should be pretty convenient and easy to serve. I'm pretty sure she won't be complaining about the change, but, she's goofy so who knows. I hope it works out. It seems to me that raw meat is a lot closer to what a dog should be eating than god knows what kind of garbage-y meat with rice, corn and wheat fillers, so I'm hopeful.

OK, I've procrastinated enough, so on to my school stuff. Hope everyone's Easter was made of wonderful!

Increasing Number Of Parents Opting To Have Children School-Homed | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

2010-04-02T19:04:00.001-07:00

This was posted on The Expanding Life's blog, and I just had to post it here. Hilarious!!!!

Increasing Number Of Parents Opting To Have Children School-Homed | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the U.S. Department of Education, an increasing number of American parents are choosing to have their children raised at school rather than at home.

Deputy Education Secretary Anthony W. Miller said that many parents who school-home find U.S. households to be frightening, overwhelming environments for their children, and feel that they are just not conducive to producing well-rounded members of society.

Thousands of mothers and fathers polled in the study also believe that those running American homes cannot be trusted to keep their kids safe.

"Every year more parents are finding that their homes are not equipped to instill the right values in their children," Miller said. "When it comes to important life skills such as proper nutrition, safe sex, and even basic socialization, a growing number of mothers and fathers think it's better to rely on educators to guide and nurture their kids."

"And really, who can blame them?" Miller continued. "American homes have let down our nation's youth time and again in almost every imaginable respect."

According to the report, children raised at home were less likely to receive individual adult attention, and were often subjected to ineffective and wildly inconsistent disciplinary measures. The study also found that many parents expressed concerns that, when at home, their children were being teased and bullied by those older than themselves.

In addition to providing better supervision and overall direction, school-homing has become popular among mothers and fathers who just want to be less involved in the day-to-day lives of their children.

"Parents are finding creative ways to make this increasingly common child-rearing track work," Miller said. "Whether it's over-relying on after-school programs and extracurricular activities, or simply gross neglect,† school-homing is becoming a widely accepted method of bringing children up."

Despite the trend's growing popularity, Miller said that school programs are often jeopardized or terminated because shortsighted individuals vote against tax increases intended to boost educational spending.

"The terrifying reality we're facing is that the worst-equipped people you could possibly imagine may actually be forced to take care of their children," Miller said.

Parents who have decided to school-home their children have echoed many of Miller's concerns. Most said that an alarming number of legal guardians such as themselves lack the most basic common sense required to give children the type of instruction they need during crucial developmental years.

"It's really a matter of who has more experience in dealing with my child," Cincinnati- resident Kevin Dufrense said of his decision to have his 10-year-old son Jake, who suffers from ADHD and dyslexia, school-homed. "These teachers are dealing with upwards of 40 students in their classrooms at a time, so obviously they know a lot more about children than someone like me, who only has one son and doesn't know where he is half the time anyway."

"Simply put, it's not the job of parents to raise these kids," Dufrense added.

Though school-homing has proven to be an ideal solution for millions of uninvolved parents, increasingly overburdened public schools have recently led to a steady upswing in the number of students being prison-homed.

The Upside of Earning Less

2010-04-02T12:45:00.002-07:00

I finally qualify for a Pell Grant!!! I did my FAFSA for the '10/'11 school year, and lo and behold, earning less has finally paid off. I also took time to apply for some scholarships, so maybe that'll result in some money, as well. It'd be nice.

I'm also trying to get back into the mindset of finding free things for us to do for entertainment and education. Home schoolers are notoriously good at finding free and cheap resources, but, I'm out of practice. We live in such a big area, there are all sorts of opportunities. I just haven't taken advantage of it since I've been spending so damn much time at work and school. Since BW will be off in a few short months, I'm trying to find fun things for us to do. Things that don't involve being outside when it's 42,000 degrees out.

A quick update for y'all on my arm, because I know you're DYING to know about it. It's still broke. (Are you surprised?) Still hurts like a sonofamonkey, but it's improving. I'm in the sling/splint only as needed. I'm bruised from head to toe. I'm off work for another few days, maybe another week, depending on how I feel and when I can type with both hands without crying. But the pain is decreasing, so I expect that to be soon.

In the meantime, I'll continue to watch 16 and Pregnant on MTV .

Canadian Health Care

2010-03-31T13:02:00.002-07:00

So, Canadian friend(s?), tell us about your health care system. Right now, many Americans are freaking out, saying that the waiting list to get care in Canada is months. Basically, Canadians are dying of cancer waiting for an appointment for treatment, all because of how "horrible" your health care system is.

I'm curious. Please, weigh in. Give me a first person account. How does your socialized (or, according to my fellow countrymen, ran by communists and/or the devil) system work?

I'm trying to be better prepared for when we immigrate.

Not Back to Work Day

2010-03-29T16:55:00.002-07:00

So my job rejected my bid to go back to work today. I can't go back until I'm fully functional with the left arm.

Son of a bitch.

Thank goodness for short term disability. Even though the forms all say I'm applying for STD, and I'm not sure I want that. And since when is there an application process for that? As if you'll be declined.

So I guess I'll relax, watch my head to toe bruises turn yellow, and watch some more Nitro Circus. Staring at Travis Pastrana helps the healing process.

Back to the Basics

2010-03-28T12:27:00.004-07:00

Have I mentioned that we're staying in our apartment for another year? I'm sure I have. Anyway, rather than being disappointed about all the things I CAN'T do, I'm figuring to ways to get back the things that I enjoyed and that were important to me.

Recycling: I'm sad to say that I've quit completely. Laziness, lack of space, lack of time, lack of energy, lack of spousal support - all have gotten to me, and I've just quit. I'm going to start up again, and my lovely friend Cathe has made it easier for me by allowing me to just bring it to her house and dump it in her city bin. I won't even have to sort. I'm starting back up again immediately.

Gardening: I have little room for it. The only good place is the balcony the cats have currently taken over. So, we decided to do raised beds over at my mom's house. She's excited about it, willing to foot the bill for half, and I've been doing the research on getting started here in the desert for the last few months. We're finally about ready to go. Well, we have the stuff, anyway. I'm out of commission, so I'll just be directing which is really more up my alley, so hey, it's win win.

Home schooling: BW is convinced he wants to go back to it. MM's less than thrilled, but I'm all for it. I'm switching to part time next month and I'll only go in three days a week, so we're going to try it again. BW will finish out the school year, and then we'll go back to some sort of year round version of education at home. This time around I'll focus a bit more on the basic, measurable things like math and spelling so MM will be more comfortable with it. Last time we did some, but I mostly believe in the learn it when you need it theory. It seemed to work, BW went back to school with out any issues, but I do get that theory is not within MM's comfort zone, so I'll try to do home education in a way that's good for all of us.

Even though BW's still in school, I've signed him up for park membership and he'll start a few fun classes next month. We're looking at three. One is archeology for kids - a one day workshop; one is ceramics - a one day a week month long program; and third is tennis, a one day a week six week program. The ceramics one is a little far from our house, so we may skip that it. I think between things like that and joining up with our local hs community, we'll be able to meet his social/entertainment needs. I'm looking forward to starting up again.

In addition to this, I'm attempting to not buy anything new until the end of the year. Used, yes, new no. At least for myself. MM and BW are exempt. I am bending the rule at socks and underwear. We'll see how this goes, but, I figure between the lowered income of working part-time, the desire to get rid of the clutter, and just trying to back off on all the STUFF I own, this should help.

So, that's all that's new. And now that it's taken me forever to type this one-handed, I bid you all farewell.

Update

2010-03-26T15:27:00.002-07:00

Good Afternoon!

I went to the doc yesterday and was told the bone had a minor fracture. It doesn't even warrant a cast. I can't even break my arm effectively nowadays, sheesh!

I g0t a half cast and a sling and instructions not to move it much. I was told to stay home from work for another seven days, but I just can't. I'm too bored. And my husband is freaking out that I'm home so much. And in today's world, it's a little scary to miss so much work. So I'll go back for half days starting Monday and take it from there. I go back for follow up next week, and will get to ditch the sling and half cast and start moving it more again.

So, that's it for now. Next, I'm sure my gas pedal will stick on my Prius, and I'll be unable to stop the car while driving it one-handed. It's the next logical step in my accident prone life.

Klutz

2010-03-25T10:18:00.002-07:00

I'm wounded again, can you believe it?!

Two weeks from the day of my surgery, I was walking down our stairs and I missed one - the third one from the bottom. I face-planted into the concrete and broke my arm. I wish I had it on video, because I imagine it was spectacular.

This happened just one day after returning to work from the foot surgery.

Son of a bitch.

I can barely type, and I'm in a Vicodin induced fog so please excuse any typos and misspellings. I'll keep y'all updated with my recovery.

My Texas Peeps

2010-03-14T12:06:00.002-07:00

We have three sets of people in, or coming in, this week from Texas. I'm so excited!

First, is my cousin. Here for some training, and was totally unexpected - he called when he got here, we had no idea he was coming. Yes, I understand that no idea he was coming IS actually the definition of unexpected. Sorry - I have a bad habit of overexplaining things. Bygones.

I haven't seen him for years. We had a nice lunch with him yesterday, and him and MM are going to be spending some quality time together this week. Which is nice. MM has met him several times, but they've never really spent time together. They're gonna go do guy things, which apparently involves off-track betting, scary movies and video games. Not strip clubs, because they both subscribe to the 'that's what the internet is for, and that's free' theory.

Second, is our family friend/extended family member, J. He's moving back in with us. He had moved from Arizona to Texas to stay with us, but he stayed when we left. He didn't really have any attachment to West Texas other than us. He's estranged from the remaining family that he had back east, so he's adopted us. Or we've adopted him. Something. Anyway, he's going to be in tonight, and we fully expect to have him with us until he dies. Or we have to check him into a home. For the long haul, basically.

He's great with BW, he helps out where he can, and we all seem to get along pretty well. Of course, ask me that after our lease is up - after a year in an apartment. We have decidedly less space than we did in Texas. We're going into this knowing that there will be a bigger space in our future, so we'll do our best to not annoy each other in the meantime.

Third, and with no offense intended to first and second, are my personal favorites, M2 and her family. I really need to find better nicknames for people, I know. They are here for the week, and BW and I are sooooooo excited. MM, not so much. M2 and the fam are more BW's and my people, rather than his. Which is fine, because we don't have to share them. Unfortunately, I am still working with limited mobility, so most of our visit will involve my ass and a chair. Which sounds so wrong on so very many levels, but I'm sticking with it anyway.

I can't wait for them to get here. It's too bad I won't be mobile enough to do much more than a meal out and a lot of sitting around with my foot elevated, but I'm still going to love the visit.

Now, if I can only I can talk them into moving here.....

Good Morning!

2010-03-10T08:47:00.002-07:00

I've been away so long! I'm not even keeping up with my friends' blogs anymore, it's terrible.

My bloggy friend updated me with her new place, so I thought I'd repay her by returning from the land of the lost. You're welcome, Sheri. ;)

So. What's new . . . . In no particular order:

I'm switching to part-time in April. MM's working somewhat (cough) steadily - it's construction-ish, so you know how that is - and we're taking the plunge so I can be home more with BW. We're hoping the money he makes in the good times will get us through the not so good ones. We'll see. I'm excited, but nervous. As usual. You know, worried that this is the wrong choice, but really wanting to be home more. I'll be working three days a week. There's a possibility of maybe working from home those days, too, which would be lovely.

While I'm worried about being able to afford it, my hubby is doing his best to let me know that this is the right decision. For instance:

BW comes home from school wearing nothing but shorts and a short sleeved shirt. When we had a high 50 degrees and rain all day. I, having had surgery that morning, (more on that next) was not there to see him off to school. When I question this clothing choice to MM, his response is "Well, I told him it was going to be cold today!". Oh, well, as long as you TRIED to prevent him from freezing, it's all good. It's a good thing we don't live in Alaska.

WTF? MM tries, he really does, but basics like clothing and regular meals escape him. He does the same type of thing for dinner.

BW: I'm hungry. I didn't eat dinner and now I'm STARVING.
MM: I asked him if he wanted anything, and he said no.
Me: But he didn't eat anything but snacky stuff and now it's 9:30 and I'm trying to put him in bed, and he's starving.
MM: But he said he wasn't hungry when I asked. I ASKED!!
Me: Arghhhh!!!!

So, me getting home at 9:30 at night is just not working. My new schedule will have me home by 7:30, still able to take BW to school every morning, and home two of five school days. I'm not sure if we'll be able to get back to homeschooling next year with this schedule, but I'm determined to try. We're going to see how the summer goes and decide from there. Cross your fingers. BW wants it, I want it, we'll just have to see if it'll work out.

Now for the surgery. Did I mention I'm growing pearls in my feet? I think I talked about this foot surgery before - I had it last August. I had that splintery thing in my foot. No one could figure out what it was. It turned out to be some sort of calcium deposit in my heel. Oddly enough, it came back, in a slightly different area, bigger and ouchier than last time. I had the surgery again to have it removed yesterday. This time, I'll follow up with an appointment with a podiatrist and hopefully they can tell me what the hell it is and how to prevent it, because this is starting to suck.

This time, I'm taking time off work to care for it. Last time, I rushed back to work, didn't use the crutches or keep it elevated like I was supposed to, and walked around way too much way too soon. I don't know that that had anything to do with it coming back, but I'm not risking it this time. Luckily at work they're being very supportive. Of course, I'm sure they'll be somewhat less so if I miss work for this again, so my foot better cooperate. This is becoming inconvenient.

So, other than that, nothing new going on. I'm still trying to finish my semester of school - only about a month left. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. We're still trying to figure out what we're going to do house-wise. We did decide to stay in the apartment another year or so, we'll have to see how the money thing play out for us with me working p/t.
I'm going to start a garden at my mom's place to make myself feel better about it.

We're all just sort of hunkering down to see what happens next. Which is always kind of exciting around here.

The Plague

2010-02-04T09:57:00.002-07:00

I've got the plague. The sneezing, the drainage, the drippiness, the weak, ineffectual cough, the tired muscles. And I really, really don't want to go to work today.

But I'm supposed to get my annual review today, and I can hardly resist a whole hour of my boss telling me how wonderful I am. I love feeling validated, what can I say?

Actually, I don't know that the review will be wonderful, but I think it will. I jokingly asked him if my review was at least decent, and his reply was that it was better than decent. I think I can live with that. Especially when there's a raise involved. Raises are good. Especially in today's world.

OK, off to lie around and rest before dragging my ass off to work. Hopefully I'll make it through the day.

Netflix Has Been Smoking Dope

2010-01-31T20:16:00.002-07:00

I logged into Netflix today, checking out the recommended documentaries, since I've been on a docu-roll lately.

The first suggested . . .

Flow: For Love of Water (2008) - From both local and global perspectives, this documentary examines the harsh realities behind the mounting water crisis. Learn how politics, pollution and human rights are intertwined in this important issue that affects every being on Earth. With water drying up around the world and the future of human lives at stake, the film urges a call to arms before more of our most precious natural resource evaporates.

Why is This Recommended?

(Yes, Netflix, do tell.)

Harold and Maude

Apparently, because I gave Harold and Maude four stars.

Also recommended were Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill, and Born Into Brothels.

I can only conclude that Netflix is stoned again. However, if anyone sees some connection I'm missing, please, for the love of Pete, share it with me.

Chili and Hawaii

2010-01-29T10:18:00.004-07:00

I've decided to make chili. Having never made it before, I picked up some things that sound like they should go in it - a few types of dried beans, some tomatoes, chili powder, onions, green bell peppers,* and ground buffalo. I figure I'll toss it all together and hope for the best. This is my preferred method of cooking. Usually it works out. Sometimes, not so much.

Now that I've addressed the chili, I'll move on to Hawaii. One of my bloggy friends - Vicki, from Where The Fuhkaui - has moved with her family to Hawaii. I'm burning with envy. BURNING. It's becoming physically painful. I've already been wanting to steal her on the road, unschooling, adventure filled life, and this latest development is like a stab in the eye. Hawaii. The land of my birth. My island heritage.**

They just decided that they've always wanted to live there, and they up and moved. Just like that. I'm in awe of them, so impressed with their fearlessness, with the way they follow their dreams. I would love to follow in their footsteps.

The only problems, from what I can see, are that A: I married my mother. Not literally, of course, but the same type of personality. I got MM to Texas, and now that we're back in AZ, I don't think he'll ever leave again. He's settled here, he loves it, he hates newness and starting over and all that comes with it. Life on the road, I'm afraid, is my dream, not his.

The B part is money. Now if we would have decided to do this when we sold the house before last, when we had a lot of money in the bank, maybe it could have worked. At least for a little while. But since we're down to a very small nest egg, I think one month in Hawaii would suck it all away. And work-wise, I'm not sure what we'd do in Hawaii. It's an expensive place to live. We could always sell pot to tourists, but what kind of example does that set for BW?

Hawaii, or really anywhere but Arizona, is not in our future. For now, I will continue to live vicariously through Vicki while enjoying the life we've created here. And maybe, just maybe, show up at her door one day for a visit during our next island vacation. :)

*******

*The devil's fruit. They are fruit, right? Doesn't matter. The important part here is that they're made by the devil. Which is code for I REALLY don't like them. But I'm beginning to find that they're kinda sorta OK cooked in some dishes, so, again, hoping for the best.

**Well, I was born there. My dad was in the Navy. Island heritage maybe a little inaccurate. It was mostly for dramatic effect.

Why, Hello There!

2010-01-27T10:04:00.002-07:00

I've been hibernating. It's winter, what can I say?

First off, we've moved. When we decided BW and I weren't going to Texas, we looked into renewing our lease at our old place. We were told that because we were renewing, and not new to the apartments, our rent was going to go up nearly $100 a month. Really? In this economy? I'm surprised, but, I guess I shouldn't be.

We found a new place for the cost of what we had been paying. A bigger place, closer to our old neighborhood, where we could FINALLY have both our cats, and one of our large-ish dogs. We moved in four days, from start to finish. Well, MM moved. I worked.

We came up with an agreement with the friend who had been fostering our two dogs (remember Eva?). He had fallen in love with Eva, and since we had found her as a stray on Christmas eve, and then moved her into his place the following February . . . Yeah, he'd had her longer than we ever did, and he was smitten. But, Daisy is back home with us.* We're almost a complete family unit again. But more on that further down.

We've come to the conclusion that I'm just going to have to stay at my current job. My schedule is changing in a few months, so no more Saturdays, no more late nights. And, I'm going to part-time. My wonderful company will still give me full benefits and pay for my school.** I just can't walk away. MM's job is still up in the air, but, we have hope. It looks promising. We're going to leap and hope the net appears.

I can live with this newly proposed arrangement. I'll find out what my part-time schedule will be next month, and the plan is for BW to finish third grade, and then go back to homeschooling. We miss it, him and I. He's doing well, his grades are all good - which, at the very least, is validation that I'm teaching him at the public school level - and he really does like it. But, he also really likes homeschooling. We told him he could choose, so I expect we'll see how the summer goes and make a final decision in early August.

I'm sure my mother-in-law will be so pleased.

Our family friend is going to be moving back to AZ. I'm not sure I talked much about him before. He and MM used to work together, back before we were married. He lived around the corner from us, and has been a part of our life off and on for years. He'd fallen on some hard times a few years ago, and moved to Texas and lived with us. He worked nights and helped us out with BW when we needed him, and it just worked. I'm not sure how else to put it. He gave us enough space that we didn't feel over crowded, paid a little rent, and helped out when we needed him to. He became a part of our family.

He doesn't have any "real" family he's close to, and he wasn't sure what he wanted to do when we decided to move back to AZ. He stuck it out in Texas, but now that we're gone, he really has no ties to the area. He's decided he'd like to come back, and we told him our door was always open to him. He'll be back in March.

We're currently thinking if this job - hell, any job - ever picks up for MM, we'll buy a little land outside of town and, I don't know, do something with it. I can't really think past that. Or rather I can, but everything changes so I'm trying not to think too far ahead. In the meantime, things are starting to head back in a direction I'm content with.

******

*My preferred method of dog poop care is to let it harden and then mow it over. Because I'm lazy like that. It seems they frown on that at apartments. I'll just say that there's a lot of "I took her last time, it's your turn!" and "Don't forget the bag!" and a little score keeping. So far, MM's winning. It's similar to having a baby again and arguing over dirty diaper changing.

**I'm taking a few history classes this semester. So far, they're really fun. I'm floundering school-wise, I can never pick a direction without changing my mind, so maybe having limited choices will do me some good. At any rate, at some point, I will graduate. :)

You Can't Always Get What You Want

2009-12-27T08:50:00.003-07:00

Whenever I hear that song, I always sing it 'you can't always get a chihuahua' because that's what it sounds like to me during the choral singing part in the beginning. Is that just me?

So. More things changing here. Or not changing, to be more accurate. MM's job we were hoping he might get he still hasn't officially gotten. Although he's been working as a fill-in for them for about a month now. They're keeping him busy, but not paying well enough for me to head back to TX and finish school. Or for me to stay here and finish school. And him returning to the oil field just didn't pan out the way I thought it might.

I've nearly given up hope in finishing school as a nurse and/or rad tech/ultrasound tech. It's depressing on so many levels. I can't see that we're in a place financially where I can quit the job I have now and go back to being a f/t student. And I can't envision ever being in that place, which is the really suckish part.

I've come to realize that my desire to travel a ton and move from place to place isn't shared at all by my hubby. He's back home here in Phoenix, and is fairly unwilling to leave. My son is somewhat happily back in school (you know how that is, kind of depends on the day), which, again, kind of puts the kibosh on traveling a ton and moving around a lot. Not fair to do that to a brick and mortar schooled kid.

Apparently I'm the only one in our household unhappy with all this, so I'm kind of flailing around, figuring out what compromises I'm willing to make in the name of family.

I plan on taking one more course in hopes that maybe someday we can figure out a way for me to finish the degree I'd originally planned on - I know there has to be a way to work and go to school and clinicals and take care of my family and not go crazy while doing it, but, for the life of me, I cannot figure it out. I know it can be done, I've seen it. I just can't seem to make it work in my life.

I'm so tired of making plans that never actually pan out. I think my family is crushing my dreams out of me. Thank you, family.

What's funny, though? Is that I'm actually kind of OK with it all. Shit happens. Things don't turn out the way we want. Plans get put on hold. I can snuggle on the couch with MM and tell him he's ruining my life, and we laugh about it. It's kind of a joke, kind of not - and he knows this - but we're in a good place.

It's hard to be too unhappy with someone that buys you a birthday card on Christmas because Christmas cards just don't say just the right thing - that he loves you more than anything and that every day he's with you he loves you more. And that it's killing him that you're unhappy.

He's trying to make it up to me by being exceptionally sweet and thoughtful. And by doing all the housework and grocery shopping. It's sorta working.

So for now, I'm going to continue on with the company I'm currently working for, thankful that I have a job with them - they really are incredibly awesome to work for. And maybe I'll at last accept changing my major to something they'll pay for. English or History degree, anyone?

It does and doesn't help that I'm being lured in by their benefits. No more out of pocket costs for health care or school, no more student loans? It's really a hard to pass that up. My fear is that if I don't do it now, I'll never do it. It's like crack. Once you've sampled a little, it's a little hard to walk away. And they've already given me a raise. And a bonus. And I've got another of both coming in the next two months. The bastards.

I'm working to accept that my son and husband aren't on the same path I'm on - and that there's got to be a way for us to compromise and be happy. We just need to figure it out.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T07:18:00.003-07:00

Christmas, Arizona Style

Hmmmm

2009-12-21T08:46:00.002-07:00

I'm not sure what happened to my last blog post. It got eaten. Which is a little ominous.

Things are all up in the air here yet again. I'm not feeling much like blogging lately. In fact, I'm kind of thinking of killing the blog. I'm just not feeling it anymore. It is no longer seeming to fulfill a purpose for me. It's just one more thing I'm not getting accomplished as of late. One more thing that is not turning out at all like I had wanted it to.

I'm feeling a little bah humbug today, as you can see. :)

So, rather than prattle on about it, I'll wish you all a happy holiday and sign off. Hope the tail end of 2009 is wonderful to all of you!

Yep, Still Here!

2009-12-06T12:22:00.002-07:00

I know, I know, it's been so long! All I can say is that come January, I'll be blogging more. I hope.

Once again, lots of changes are happening or about to happen here, but, I can't really talk about it just yet. I have to wait until all interested parties are notified, and then I'll update the blogosphere. Give me until after Christmas-ish.

Until then, let's just leave it at that for now. Though I guess I should say that the changes are good, and I'm really excited about them! Decisions have been made, and it feels great.

So, goodbye for now! I'll leave you to enjoy my lazy Sunday. Any day that doesn't require getting dressed and leaving the house is always a good one. :)

School

2009-11-09T22:21:00.002-07:00

BW returned to public school today. We decided if he wants to try it, the sooner he starts the better.

It seemed to go well. He seemed pretty happy with the whole thing. His teacher seems nice. My only issue so far is an HOUR (or so) of homework in 3rd grade. Really? An hour? Seems a tad excessive to me, but this is all new to us so maybe it's not. I will say that I don't remember having that much homework in high school. But then, I wasn't exactly focused on my education in high school. I was focused on, ah, other things.

Anyway, he was happy and he had a good day. He wasn't stabbed, beaten up, bullied, and (to the best of my knowledge) was not getting high in the vacant lot across from the school at lunch. All in all, a successful first day in elementary school.

In the meantime, I am adjusting and making the best of this. MM and I got BW situated this morning and then walked a mile. I counted calories and ate healthy and vegetarian all day today. If BW is going to be in school maybe nursing school is back as an option, and I really want to get rid of this excess weight before my knees wage a bloody coup at their burden. Wish me luck.

Ugh.

2009-11-05T11:07:00.002-07:00

So my homeschooled son wants to go back to school. To try it out for a year. And he's convinced he wants to start NOW.

I'm so unhappy about it, I can't even begin to tell you. But, I've always said that if he wanted to try it, he could, so we'll be registering ASAP. Even though Momma DOESN'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.*

Our life has changed so much this year. I'm having a hard time keeping the faith that it will all work itself out. And I'm having a hard time not being petty and sending out "Congratulations! You've WON!" cards to everyone out there who said homeschooling wouldn't work. (Thanks for your support, everyone!) But those are more my issues then BW's, so I'm trying to let it go and be supportive of his new desire.

I kind of feel like there's not much I can do at this point. I don't want him to be resentful about never really getting to try school if it's something he thinks he'd like to do. I'm working full time, so I'm really not getting a lot of time to spend with him, and MM and him have begun clashing so much it's really not working out with MM trying to be the primary stay at home person.

And since homeschooling has always been my and BW's thing, and he's no longer on board, what can I do?

Ugh.

I feel like he's been told by so many people that he needs to be in a "real school" that he's been brainwashed. Am I bad person for hoping it goes horribly and we can get back to our regularly scheduled programming soon?**

*****

*And is making it pretty damn clear, in case there's any doubt.

**Kidding, kidding. Of course I don't hope it goes horribly. I don't want him to have a horrible experience. I just want him to get a better education then the crappy ones his father and I had. And if he can get that in public school, well, great. Right?

Vacation

2009-11-03T09:46:00.002-07:00

I have a few days off this week, so we're heading down to Southern AZ. We plan on spending a day or two in Tucson, some time in Tombstone, maybe Bisbee. We're going to take a few days and explore Arizona's mining and western roots.

I'll be back with pictures in a few days! And THIS time I'm going to remember the memory card for my camera.

Happy Fifteen

2009-10-31T22:24:00.006-07:00

Around 4:30 this afternoon I realized that today is the 15th anniversary of MM and I being together.

Obviously, we had nothing special planned, though thinking back through the years did give us some warm fuzzies.

I can't wait to start on the next fifteen.

I love you, MM!

To All The Married People Out There Still Doing It, Take Two

2009-10-31T09:49:00.002-07:00

To All The Married People Out There Still Doing It

2009-10-30T10:01:00.004-07:00

This week has been looonnngggg. I have to work today and Monday, then I'm off until the following Saturday, and I can't freakin' wait. Until I have more time to post something more substantial, here's a little of this and that:

We're wanting to start geocaching - is that even the right word?? Anybody have any advice on how to get started?? I'm not even sure how it all works. It looks like it would be fun though, and we'd like to give it a go.

MM and BW carved the most amazing pumpkins - seriously, didn't know they had it in them! MM's is two sided so we can see it from inside, as well as sharing it's amazingness with the public. I'll post pictures if I remember to take some.

Last weekend M1, her sister and kids and I all headed to Tucson for One Republic and Rob Thomas. Rob* came down into the audience and I was about three feet away from him. It was very exciting, and I was all "(SQUEEEEE) OH MY GOD!!!!! ROB!!!!!!!! TOUCH ME, ROB THOMAS!!!!" along with all the other mid-thirty-plus ladies there, because, yes, we are all still apparently fifteen like that.

I'll post a video from the concert later.** I just can't figure out how to make it work before I have to leave.

******

*Because we're on a first name basis like that.

**I apologize for the blog title - it would have made more sense with the video.

Hola!

2009-10-25T13:02:00.001-07:00

Wow. I have been neglecting my blog like crazy. But, I actually accomplished something this morning/early afternoon, and I feel as if I can take on a blog post. Yay, me!

I had an essay to write for a class that was due tomorrow. I'm heading for Tucson to see Rob Thomas and One Republic (Awesome.) this afternoon, so I really wanted to have it done today. I'll be home late and have to work tomorrow. I hate finishing things up on the day they're due. I had to work yesterday so I didn't get anything else done. I've been crazy busy.

So, this morning, not only did I get the essay completed, but I finished a final for another class (yay, I'm down to two classes for the semester!!!) and am managing to write a little something for my blog. And I still have time to shower before leaving. Look at me go!

I just have to get through one more week of craziness before having four days off. IN A ROW. I've promised BW they will be devoted 100% to him. Whatever he wants to do. My undivided attention. No school, no work, just us. We can barely wait.

Now I just have to think of something for us to do. We're really wanting to go to Old Tucson, Tombstone and Sierra Vista. Maybe the Caverns. But MM may or may not be working by then (he's got a little something in the works that may pan out by then), and I hate to do that stuff without him. If he can't go, I'd rather do stuff he doesn't care to do with us. And surprisingly, I'm out of ideas. I'd love to go to Texas, but four days just isn't enough time. Any ideas in the NM, AZ, CA, NV, UT area, anyone? Anything that can be done in four days or less, on the cheap?

Now, to totally switch topics, mentally things are a lot better. Thanks to a course of pharmaceutical intervention, I'm feeling like I can handle life again. MM and I have gotten back on track, I feel like I can handle work and school, and being a semi-good* parent to BW. It's been a rough few months, but the tension has lifted. A few more months and I should be able to go to part-time at work, and things will begin to resemble the life I envision. You know, the one where I actually have time to focus on my child and husband?

Also, these last couple of months have shown me what an incredible man my husband is. MM has just been a dream lately. As frustrated and angry as I can sometimes get with him, as depressed and crazy as I've been feeling lately, as unpleasant and, well, downright horribly as I've been acting lately - having a husband who loves you, wants you to be happy, and is willing to do everything in his power to make things right in his marriage to you is a beautiful thing.** I have been able to step back and truly appreciate what a great guy he is. For a while, I think I had forgotten.

So, this was kind of a hodgepodge of topics! Kind of how my mind is working as of late. I actually feel like I want to write again, now that I'm not feeling so desperate. Hopefully things will continue to perk up and I'll start to feel more and more like myself.

*****

*As opposed to the barely there, craptastic parent I've been the last couple o' months.

**Seriously. No one else would take this shit from me. Not only does he put up with it, but he still willingly remains married to me. And claims to enjoy it. Awesome, no? :)

WTF?

2009-10-20T19:54:00.002-07:00

So. Just found out my former SIL - Bubby's bio-mom - is pregnant again. This will be number five. The first four currently spread out in three different places across the country.

I gave her six months out of rehab to end up preggers again. It took her five. I should get some sort of prize, don't ya think?

The whole thing is so crushingly, depressingly sad. She called my nephews and announced the news that they were going to have a new brother or sister as if they should be excited about it or something. The father is some jobless fifty year old who sounds like a real winner. He's her third or fourth boyfriend the ten months she's been out.

Can people be forced to have their tubes tied? Can the courts get involved at some point and take away her right to procreate?

Sigh.

Don't Mess With The Giant Squid

2009-09-27T07:32:00.001-07:00

"But, like Tom Cruise between movies, the giant squid is camera-shy. And, just like the diminutive actor, Architeuthis dux spends long periods lurking out of sight, surely up to no good, before bursting forth, tentacles flailing, and exercising its alternate belief system. In Mr. Cruise's case, the alternate belief system is Scientology. In the giant squid's case, the alternate belief system is a desire to wrap you in its horrible tentacles and poke you to death with its poisonous beak. There are similarities."

Crying Uncle

2009-09-19T16:30:00.007-07:00

I'm neglecting my blog. Between work and school and my family, there just aren't enough hours in the day. And, in all honesty, things have been rough here. I'm having a difficult time dealing with all the changes we've had. More difficult than I would like to admit. I've been angry and bitter and pretty unpleasant to be around. It's taking all the energy I have to just get through my day to day life without completely freaking out on someone.

How's that for a cheerful opening?

Anyway, I've given up trying to talk myself into being happy for all the good things in our life. Not that I'm not thankful. I am. I believe we are, and have been, lucky. We're together, we're not hungry, or homeless, or unhealthy. One of us is working, we have an income.

I'm just not happy. And I'm tired of being unhappy.

It seems so ungrateful and whiny to say that. And while I have no problem sounding ungrateful and whiny to the people who know me really well (and still love me anyway), I have a hard time announcing it to the world. Thus the sporadic blogging.

You see, I have this issue. Well, I have several, but this is the one I'd like to address today: I am at heart a crabby pessimist who really, really wants to be a hippy-happy optimist. I strive to be peaceful and kind and content in all aspects of my life, at all times. And, at times (like now), I fall woefully short. How I want to live my life and how I actually manage to live it aren't always the same. Which, as you would imagine, creates struggle and conflict and unease and anxiety and all of that kind of crap. I'm being pulled apart right now, and it fucking sucks.

I do truly believe that everything will always work itself out, that life is generally good, that people are generally wonderful. But there's always this little snarky piece of me that thinks the exact opposite. With all that has been happening in our lives lately, I've been fighting to feel and live the way I want to - happy and content and grateful - but the angry pessimist deep down in my core is having a field day right now, and I'm losing the whole happiness battle.

I realize now that I have been totally wrapped up in trying to look on the bright side, and in having a really hard time finding it. I've finally decided to accept the fact that when things don't turn out the way you've planned, it really is OK to be disappointed. And sad. And maybe to feel a little pathetic and sorry for yourself.

Maybe if I would have let myself feel that way a couple of months ago, I wouldn't be feeling like I am now. Like I'm about to shatter into a million pieces.

I'm tired of bursting into tears at any random moment. I'm tired of repeating my little mantras of happiness, of making myself listen to happy music, of trying to feel something I'm just not feeling. So last week, I gave myself permission to wallow in the negative. And to seek therapy.

I feel like maybe I'm finally starting to get a handle on things again. Not that everything is suddenly OK again, it's just that now there's a sense of relief. Relief to let go for a while, relief that I'm getting a little professional advice.

A few nights ago M1, C and I went to the Arizona Fall Frenzy* to see Gaven Rossdale (remember Bush?), the B-52's, Jason Mraz and Rob Thomas. Which I've been looking forward to for months, by the way. I'm watching Jason Mraz put on this awesome show, so full of happiness and excitement, and I'm singing/screaming "EVERY LITTLE THING IS GONNA BE ALRIGHT"** out into the world along with a bazillion other people. And I'm feeling that concert high - you know, out with your friends,*** surrounded by people who are happy and having a good time, listening to this great music.

And it finally clicked a teeny tiny bit. I've lost focus of what's important to me. I've been trying to figure out how to do it all - work full time, go to school, get into nursing school, home school BW, to still do all that and be a good mother and a good wife and a good friend. And you know what? I can't do it. Some people can, maybe I should be able to do it, but I can't. I've known that for a while now, but I've been refusing to face it. I didn't want to give anything up.

Obviously some things have got to change. I'm just not sure exactly what yet. I'm working on that part. Working on deciding what's really, really important to me, what I can put off for a while. Working on letting go and getting back my life. Maybe not exactly the way I want it to be, but close.

On a completely unrelated side note - the B-52's were awesome, but those JumboTron thingies? Not kind to older bands. There was a lot of "Wow! They're getting OLD!" comments in the audience, which I found hilarious. Hellooo! So are we, fans! Those of us there to see the B-52's? We listened to them in high school and college. Remember? About 20 or 30 years ago? Rock Lobster? Came out in the frickin' SEVENTIES. I know! It was ten years old when I started listening to it.****

*****

*While I know that September 18th is technically Fall, this is Phoenix. It was effin' hot. Like, people are dropping over and medics are being called, hot. It's almost as brilliant as scheduling Lollapalooza in the summer. Who plans these things? Have they not heard that we live in a desert?

**Because, YAY! Jason did a Bob Marley cover!!

***The only thing that could have made the moment more perfect was having M2 there. And having Jason Mraz sign my boobs.

****It was a tiny bit devastating to realize I didn't 'discover' the B-52's after all. Damn. The seventies!

A New Car*

2009-09-06T10:25:00.005-07:00

Our game plan was to pay a big chunk to our van payment so we won't have payments for six months, and then get a new car with a lower payment after the first of the year. Because paying it off in full? Not happening. Need the money to live off of.

So, I sent off a check, and I filled the tank with gas** and wouldn't you know it? It starts making weird noises and going KA-THUNK periodically when I hit the gas. It kinded of sounded like the tranny was going to drop out when I hit the gas. Or what I imagine it might sound like, anyway. I'm not sure if that can even really happen or not, but I do know tranny's falling out of moving cars are never a good thing. No matter how you choose to define the word 'tranny' in that sentence.

In reading over that paragraph, I'm picturing a tranny in my passenger seat yelling KA-THUNK whenever I hit the gas. Just trying to bring you all in, get us all on the same page.

Anyway, back on topic. I tell MM that maybe we should look at cars this weekend because we sure as hell can't afford to sink even more money into this van. It's got a million miles on it, the gas mileage isn't the best, and since we have a few more years left to pay on it.... I'm thinking, maybe we'll find something good with all the Labor Day sales. And we did! I am the proud new owner of a used Toyota Prius.

I love it. She's light green and it feels like I'm driving (flying?) a space ship. And she's all fancy - back up camera, GPS, leather, nice sound system.*** Which are all a bunch of things I really don't need, I know. What sold me is seeing the stains in my light tan cloth interiored van. Never again. We are a messy family. We spill rather frequently. Dark colored leather interior makes for much easier cleaning.

I'm justifying the extra unneeded fanciness by this - the payment is still lower than what I'm currently paying for my van. I'll save a ton of money on gas. And I'll be driving this car for the rest of my life, so I'd better like it. And also, I am a terrible backer-upper. The camera really does make my life easier.

I went straight from the dealer to show it off to my mama, and then off to pick up M1 and head for IKEA. We previously sold BW's bedroom set and I needed to get him a new one.

M1 and I managed to fit the boxes for a loft bed (twin), computer desk, dresser, canvas tower storage thingymabob, a 5x7 rug, and assorted odds and ends (sheets, small lamp, chair, tupperwear set, etc) in the Prius. It was like a clown car, only instead of clowns it was filled with IKEA products. Which, seriously? Way better than clowns.

So I get home, MM and I unload all the stuff and bring it upstairs, and I go to bed. MM starts putting things together and at midnight I get woken up with, "MOMMY!!! Get UP! We need to take Daddy to the HOSPITAL!!!!! He BROKE HIS FOOT!!!"

Good. Lord. It never ends.

I'm still not clear on how it happened, but some drawer slid out of something and landed on MM's big toe. And he thinks it may be broken. And I'm all, "Hey, there's a bottle of percocet in the medicine cabinet and my crutches are over there in the corner. Aren't you glad I had foot surgery a few weeks ago? And, oh yeah, I'll be sure to take just as good care of you as you did of me."****

And then I went back to sleep.

What does one do for a broken toe? He broke his finger last year, and they put one of those little splints on it and that was that. And I actually doubt it's broken, because he can kind of bend it. Not paying a co-pay for a digit that still bends, folks.*****

Today he's managed to hobble around on it all morning, finishing up putting together all our IKEA booty. I'm thinking an ER trip is unnecessary.

The bad part is, I almost forgot to mention the broken body part after all the excitement of telling you about my Prius/IKEA trip. I know, I know. I'm such a good wife. Any man would be lucky to have me.

*******

*Say it like I am in my head - like Rod Roddy on The Price Is Right. It's much more fun that way. Everything is more fun when you say it like a game show announcer. Trust me on this.

**Wouldn't you know it? Every time a car I own gets wrecked or sold, it has a full tank of gas. Every stinkin' time. Sixty bucks wooshed down the drain. And they thought I was joking when I asked if I could siphon the tank. WTF?

***So yeah, I'm blasting Jason Mraz (because that's basically all I'm listening to right now) and my baby is thumpin'. I never even realized what I was missing in the van. I never even realized there was a thumpy part to Dynamo of Volition.

****MM is terrible at taking care of me when I'm hurt or sick. It's always nice to return the favor.

*****MM has killed all the sympathy I once had for him when he's in pain. It's his own fault, really. I can't be blamed for this.

That's What She Said*

2009-08-26T07:08:00.002-07:00

We're watching the news. Our guy is doing a report on local "massage" parlors. He says, "Local businesses are saying these places are really a front for prostitution. Police are cracking down on the massage parlors that are trying to pull this off."

*snort!*

Thank you, Ron Hoon, for saying 'pull this off' in reference to prostitution. With a straight face, no less. You've made my morning.

******

*Yes, I know I've used this title before. It's early, couldn't think of a better one.

What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas

2009-08-24T17:43:00.003-07:00

But, apparently only if it's not contagious.

My girlfriend C took me to Vegas for the weekend to celebrate my birthday. I came home with pink eye. PINK EYE. It's madness. MADNESS, I SAY!

The good news is I had a doctor's appointment anyway, so no extra trip for antibiotic eye drops. More good news is I got to stay home from work, because apparently pink eye = OH MY GOD, DON'T COME HERE WITH YOUR GOOPY EYE AND INFECT THE REST OF US!!!!!

I needed a day to recover, anyway. It all worked out nicely.

But back to my weekend. It was so much fun! We had free nights at one of the hotels on the strip, and I brought just a little spending money. I won enough that I was able to gamble all day long Saturday, plus a few hours Friday night and a few more Sunday afternoon. I came home with a tiny bit of money and didn't spend more than I planned. A successful trip to Vegas, in my book.

We had a great time together, as we always do. We laughed, drank, gambled, wandered, ate, and laughed some more. We were going to get matching tattoos, but we couldn't decide on one we liked. I was trying to sell her on a unicorn and a rainbow with BFF written under it, but C was having none of it. And then there's the issue of having three BFF's and not wanting to leave anyone out. Yeah, I'm thoughtful like that.

I drank more than I ever drink. Ever. I had something like five Bloody Mary's. In 12 hours. I know, I know. I'm wild and crazy like that.

Anyway, my birthday is this week, and I have to work. I'm not even really looking forward to it this year. I'm so wrapped up in the fact that I have to start school today, I'm working full-time, and I'm feeling pretty blah about everything.

I'm in a funk, and I'm working on getting out of it. In the mean time, though, I'm crabby and lethargic, and vitamin D deficient. Which probably doesn't have anything to do with it, but I just found that out this morning and thought I'd share. You're welcome. :)

I'll leave you with The Remedy (I Won't Worry). My obsession with Jason Mraz is becoming unhealthy, but I'll address that later. In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out how to break it to MM that I'm leaving him for Jason, his adorable facial expressions, dorky dance moves and vast collection of hats. This song is about his friend's cancer.

For now, sing it with me, folks: I, I won't worry my life away.

Mission Accomplished

2009-08-15T16:16:00.002-07:00

My splinter's out! I still don't know what exactly it was, they had to send it to the lab. Sounds kind of ominous, doesn't it?

My nurse was hilarious. Turns out he teaches clinicals for the school I may or may not ever attend. Everyone there was really nice, and the whole thing went very smoothly. There was an one odd conversation, as I was being wheeled into to surgery:

RN: So. The anesthesiologist is going to give you the same thing Michael Tyson used to knock you out.

Me: He's going to PUNCH me in the FACE??

RN: What? OH!!! No! I meant JACKSON. He's going to give you what Michael JACKSON used.

Me: Ohhhh. Whew! Well, just don't leave me unattended then.

RN: Wouldn't think of it.

So, other than that, the fact that I'm on crutches for a week, and that it took four stitches* rather than the one I was led to believe it would take, all is well. It's just starting to get a little sore, 24 hours later. Hopefully it won't be too bad. I can't imagine it will.

I'm off to down some homemade soup and percocet. It's gonna be a fine, fine weekend.

*****

*Does this mean it's going to cost me four times as much for the surgery?

It's Friday!

2009-08-07T19:47:00.003-07:00

Yay!!

I'm looking forward to a couple days off, though they'll be busy. Tomorrow, we head up north to visit my nephews.* Sunday, I have an afternoon planned with a friend. Both will be enjoyed from the driver's seat of my mother's car, which she so kindly left in her garage for my use.**

Next Friday I have to have surgery - real, actual, complete with anesthesia surgery. For a splinter. Yes, a splinter. This splinter of something has been stuck in my foot since, I don't know, sometime in March I think. March! I know!

I kept expecting it to work itself out of there. Because that's what splinters generally do, right? About three or so months later, I decided to take action.

See? It may take me a while, but eventually I clue in when things don't happen the way they should.

So after a doctor's visit, an ultrasound, and a consultation with a surgeon I finally have a date scheduled with some drugs and a scalpel. I'm sure good time will be had by all.

The only thing is, now I feel all this pressure to have knee surgery. I was in an accident when I was 15 and have had to have some knee surgery over the years. The last few months, my knee has been making this icky grinding noise when ever I go up stairs.

Deductibles being what they are, I'm thinking I should maybe take care of this situation this year, rather than next. So, I don't know. Surgery is probably rather pointless until I lose some more weight. Something else to think about, I guess. But the grinding! Gah!! It's setting my teeth on edge. I'm fairly certain joints are not supposed to make that kind of noise. Although, I am going to be a year older next month, so who knows.

OK, off to get ice cream with BW. Good night, y'all!

******

*My BIL won back custody of his boys, so BW's cousins will be living just a few hours away from us again. We're all pretty happy about it. I'm glad BW will have them in his life again. He misses my family in Texas, as rarely as he saw them, and he's thrilled the boys are going to be close.

**My mother generously leaves her car for me to drive when she goes out of town. It's significantly nicer than mine, and a nice treat to drive. Thanks, Momma!

Mullet With Headlights

2009-08-01T09:52:00.003-07:00

I have to thank Kaaren at Once More With Feeling for this. She had this video up on her blog and I almost wet my pants I was laughing so hard.

These are Literal Videos - songs with the lyrics rewritten about what's literally happening in the video. Some are stupid, but these two cracked us up. MM and I must have watched Total Eclipse of the Heart ten times in the last few days.

Enjoy!

And So It Begins...

2009-08-01T08:51:00.003-07:00

Today is the first. My birthday is this month.* Many years ago, I designated this month "The Month of Lisa".**

It's been slow catching on, but I have high hopes this time around.***

****

*26 more shopping days, my friends.

**This is all tongue in cheek, of course. Nobody makes a big deal about my birthday but me. And, other than claiming an entire month for the celebration of me, I really don't make a big deal of it. ;)

***As soon as I achieve my goal of being Queen/Dictator of a small island nation (preferably tropical), I'm sure it'll be all the rage. I try to make MM prepare by addressing me by my future title, but he ruins the effect by shortening it. Her Royal Heiny just doesn't have the same ring to it, ya know?

Frick!*

2009-07-31T18:58:00.002-07:00

Hubby hasn't gotten any of the jobs he applied for. He got the 'not interested' official letter from the one up north we were hoping for, and the rest he just hasn't heard back on.

I'm cursing up a storm over here. Cursing every stupid financial decision we've made in the last several months.** And there have been plenty, let me tell you. It's kind of a habit with us.

We were so sure Hubby would get this job, it really sounded promising. So promising, that, as you'll remember, he left the job in TX to come back and interview for it. So now, no job in TX, no job here, and no unemployment. Gah!!

The suckiest part of it all is that this could have been so much better for us. We always manage to take a basically good situation and screw it all to hell. I mean, we are debt free minus the car payments and my student loans. And shortly we'll be down to one car payment instead of two. No credit card or medical or other debt and/or loans. And we no longer have a mortgage to worry about. But, a good portion of our financial cushion has been wasted on crap. And now that we're closer to the edge of the cliff, well, now what? That's the part I'm freaking out about.

Frick.

I think we're going to be have a bit of a role reversal here. I'll be working my tail off full-time and going to school part-time while hubby stays home with BW. We'll be getting rid of my car, getting our bills down to the bare minimum, and portioning out any student loans, tax returns, and bonuses over the year to get by. Hey, maybe we'll actually make little enough to qualify for grants next year, that'd be a bonus.

Part of me isn't happy about this at all - I wanted to be the one to stay home with BW, and now I'm hardly going to be home at all. The other part is pretty damned happy one of us has a good job, and happy that it looks like my priority - ONE of us being home full-time with BW - is still possible. Or at least still possible with a lot of sacrifice. We just have to make it through the next few years of school for me, and it'll all be better.

I know MM could find work doing something, somewhere. But if we can make it work with him staying home with BW, we've decided that maybe that's what we should try to make happen. MM is pretty great about the cooking and cleaning. I think he'll transition pretty well into the Mr. Mom role, leaving me to focus on school and work. And as long as I can dedicate all my free time to BW instead of housework, I'm OK with that.

I keep saying I've always wanted to live frugally, get rid of most of the luxuries and frivolities, and really keep focused on our family. Now's as good a time as any, I suppose. Right?

******

*That's my G-Rated, all-encompassing curse word. I like to use it at work. Kind of a lot. That, and son-of-a-cow.

**Kittens?? Sure, why not?! We can afford a few more mouths to feed. Hey, let's spend lots on going to a concert! And that trip to Vegas? Of course we can afford it!

Fluffy Balls of Terror

2009-07-29T07:12:00.004-07:00

We got kittens! Because, apparently, we're nuts.* ;)

BW's been asking for kittens for a while now, and we kept telling him no. Well, MM kept telling him no. I was sort of ambivalent. If I didn't have to clean the litter box, I didn't really care.

I like cats, and we miss our dogs. They're still living with MM's friend, until we're in a place we can keep them at. And we may be losing Eva - MM's friend has bonded with her, and since we didn't get her until December, he's technically had her longer than we did at this point. I think we'd all be OK with him adopting her permanently. I just miss my Daisy May.

Anyway, we were all missing something furry, MM finally changed his mind, and after we checked out the Humane Society's website** MM decided to take BW and go pick one out. We ended up with a pair of sisters, three months old.

They're adorable and playful and BW is in love. He's been really great with them - playing with them, cleaning their litter box, making sure they always have food and water.

We're still trying to pick out names. Any ideas?

***

MM still hasn't heard back about the job he interviewed for. Supposedly this week. They have been in contact, apparently they're waiting to hear back from his last employer. I'm a huge bundle of nerves, and I'm not even the one applying. I hate the whole application/interview process!

It has been really nice having him home, though. He's been having dinner ready and on the table every night when I walk in the door. I bought him a rice maker the other day, and he's been using that a lot. He does all the dishes. Keeps our place relatively clean. I'm hoping all this doesn't come to a screeching halt once he's working again. It probably won't, he's always helped out as far as housekeeping goes.

I'm off to work now. Still liking the job for the most part, but, oh how I'd like my old life back. I miss being home with BW all day!

*****

* According to M2. She's right, though. We are nuts.

** An average of 100 kittens and cats dropped off there per day - sad, disgusting, and completely avoidable. Spay and neuter, folks. Seriously.

Holdin' In The Heat Like A Fishstick

2009-07-25T20:13:00.000-07:00

Saturday

2009-07-25T19:38:00.002-07:00

I finally saw Harry Potter today. I'd been waiting to see it with my friend M. In vain, it turns out.

We miscommunicated. She texted me the day HP opened, asking when we were going to see it and if I wanted to catch it at the Cine Capri. I texted back yes. She asked when, and then said that the first weekend might be a little crowded. Maybe the following weekend? I responded, sure, no problem.

I took this to mean we see wait and see the movie together. So I waited. I put BW off when he wanted to see it, told him we were waiting until it was a little less busy, 'til M could join us.

She took it to mean she could see it with someone else, but as long as she saw it again with me, it was OK. And since she saw it after work, mid-week when I couldn't go, she didn't call to warn me she was going.

So, after I threw a huge fit about her Harry Potter betrayal,* we made plans to see it the next morning. And we did. At 9:20. I made her get up early for me.

I loved it, mostly. I was inspired to buy the box set of books at B&N, since it was on sale and 20% off on top of that. I have no clue what happened to all the books I originally bought.

I want to read them all with BW - he's listened to some, but not read any of them - and watch the movies one by one. I want to be fully prepared for the last one,** because I seem to have forgotten most of the last book. It's been a while since I've read it.

I also bought our tickets for the Tempe Fall Festival - The B-52's, Gavin Rossdale, Jason Mraz, and Rob Thomas. Yippee!!!! That's one I cannot wait for. I am so excited about this show, I don't even mind that it's in September and it'll be a bazillion degrees out.

The show starts at 5:00 pm, so it's gotta be better than Lollapalooza, right? Of course, I was much younger and thinner back then, and the heat didn't seem to be quite as horrible. Hopefully I won't melt away into a huge puddle of goo while singing 'I'm Yours' at the top of my lungs.

In other news, BW is all enrolled in PUBLIC SCHOOL at home. Still at home, still at home, still at home (say like I am, softly, like a mantra), so, I'm not completely flipped out about it. He's excited, and it is pretty cute. He's been doing math every night in preparation. I love his enthusiasm! I hope this all goes well, he's so thrilled to try it.

We're still waiting to hear back from the job interview up north. Back to thinking about living in an RV for a while if we head up there. Not sure that'll ever pan out, but who knows. We've unpacked the bare minimum here since we'll more than likely be moving again if MM gets this job. Again. Yay!*** I hope he does. I hope he gets it and likes it and it works out for him, because, honestly, there's nothing else happening and it's starting to freak me out.

****

*She asked if I was going to bitch about her to all my other friends. I told her nope, but I was blogging about it. Seems fair, in light of the crime.

**Two? I heard that the last one was being split into two different movies. And the first was due on sometime early next year? I have no idea how accurate that info is.

***Definitely a sarcastic yay. I'm so frickin' tired of moving.

Insert Clever Title of Your Choosing

2009-07-19T09:18:00.002-07:00

Hi all! I've been neglecting the blog because lately it's just been more of the same. I figured I finally had a little something to say, so here goes.

MM is still waiting to hear back on the job - he went in for some testing and has an interview Monday. At 10:00 PM. I know, weird, right? But, it's a warehouse and he wants night shift, so I guess it all makes sense.

Work is still going well-ish. It's a great company with great benefits, and I'm really, really good at customer service. But I feel like I'm being stabbed in the eye each time the phone rings, and this is so not what I want to be when I grow up.

On the plus side, great company, great people, wonderful customers. On the minus side, stabbed in the eye. My major work-life problem is whether to stay and just aim for a position more to my liking, or to keep on down the nursing/radiology tech/ultrasound tech route and give up the great job. And really, if that's your only work-life problem, you can't exactly complain.

Well, you can. But you sound really ungrateful and silly. So I'm trying hard to keep up my positive attitude. And, seriously? In this economy, I'm happy to be working and have a secure job. So, not complaining. Much. Once we find out what happens with MM's job, decisions will have to be made. Until then, it's all good.

As far as home schooling and home life go, that's all beginning to stress me out. Obviously with me working full-time and with MM hopefully working full-time soon, being home with BW isn't going to be happening. If MM gets the new job, the pay won't be as high as it was out on the rig, so me staying home full-time is no longer an option. Possibly part-time, but I'm not sure about that yet.

So what to do? We're working on getting opposite shifts so one of us is home with him all the time. Which is do-able, but I'm worried about the quality of our time with BW if one of us is sleeping half the day, and the other is at work. Doesn't sound all that enriching and wonderful, doesn't it?

I'm worried that our laissez-faire approach to home schooling isn't going to work with all we have going on. If I'm working and going to school and trying to home school, let's face it, something is going to suffer. Which isn't fair to BW.

I think we're going to try a different route this next year. I'm still not willing to put him back in a brick and mortar school, but we're exploring the Connections Academy. From what I can tell, it's basically public school at home.

BW would still have to do all the state testing (shudder), but the lessons are more individualized to the student, it's fairly self-paced, and there's lots of one-on-one time between student and teacher. There seems to be a lot of great classes offered. There's even an environmental club the kids can do.

Right now, I'm feeling like it's a decent compromise - someone else worries about organizing and planning the learning, but, as parents, we're still extremely involved. We can still work around our own wacky schedules and we can still be together as a family. I'm hoping that this will be the best of both worlds - the benefits* of public school with as few of the negatives as possible.

And if it doesn't work, there's always the option to pull him and try something different. Right?**

*****

* I do believe there are some benefits to public schooling. I just came to feel that the bad outweighed the good, it didn't particularly work for our family and (for us) there was a better option. And for the last two years, home schooling went wonderfully.*** I can't exactly call this new option 'home schooling', but at least the being at home part is still on. I'm not quite willing to let go of that yet.

** I have this fear that once we get sucked into the system, we'll never get out again without a fight. It's a little irrational, but I feel like someone will try to stop us from going back to home schooling if we make an appearance in an AZ public school. Like maybe it's safer to just lie low and not draw attention to ourselves. I'm a tad paranoid.

*** BW's love and skill at reading and learning new things has been exploding lately, and he's been on a cooking kick - wanting to learn more, looking at recipes, making his own simple meals. It's been a lot of fun!

Oh, The Drama!

2009-07-09T18:40:00.002-07:00

So hubby headed to TX, went through all the processing* and worked his first full day yesterday. During the day, he got a call on an application he'd put in for a job a couple hours from where we're at now.

It's a pay cut, but it looks like a good company to work for. Plus, two hours away means he can be home every weekend. On one hand, we won't be paying off our cars. On the other hand, we'll be a lot closer and neither of us particularly want to move back to West Texas.

Looks like MM will end up working just enough to pay for his trip to TX, and then coming back here.

I have to say, BW and I are pretty thrilled. :)

******

*And found out about the lovely cut in wages his old company had instituted. Which nobody mentioned until AFTER he was processed and on the rig for the first day. Nice.

The Latest

2009-07-06T18:58:00.002-07:00

So. Lots of new stuff going on here at the Casa de Heck!

We'd made our reservations to go to San Diego for July 4th - so wouldn't you know it? Thursday morning at 7:00 a.m., MM's old driller called and asked him to come back to work.

In Texas.

The next day.

Since there wasn't anything else on the horizon, MM decided to head back out. It looks like he'll be working twelve on and four off again, so he'll at least be able to come back home every six weeks or so. We figure he can do that, and BW and I can come out there a few times, schedules permitting.

That leaves me here, trying to decided what the heck is going to happen with me and BW. A little hard to home school when your hubby is out of state and you work full-time.

So....I'm thinking about changing to part-time, which I may be able to do sometime in September. We'll still have insurance through my work, I shouldn't have to juggle BW around too awfully much, and since I'm going to school still part-time online, I think this is the way to go. I may have to break down and put BW back in school, as much as I hate to go that route. I guess I'll just have to see how things play out.

We're back in limbo. Yay!!!*

***

As for San Diego, BW and I still went. We took my mom, and we all really had a good time. Other than the fact that, for some reason, I could not follow driving directions to save my life.** I swear, the GPS would tell me to turn left and I'd instantly turn right. I have no idea what my problem was.

We spent Saturday at Legoland, starting out our day at the Sea Life Aquarium. We stayed for fireworks, and BW got to ride just about everything he wanted to.

I only had to listen to a few phone calls from friends and family bitching about how MM shouldn't have gone back to work out of state. Apparently, a lot of people are really offended by it. I realize it's not ideal, but we're committed to making it work for now. In this economy, I'm just glad he's working. And I have a plan. Which shouldn't surprise anyone - I always have a plan. They don't often work out the way I intend them to, but there you have it.

My plan is a pretty good one, though. It will have us debt free by the beginning of February. We've got two cars we're paying on, and between our savings and our new extra income, we can get them totally paid off. Once we get down to a life where all we have to pay is living expenses, we'll have to decide what we want to do with ourselves once again. And that, my fine webby friends, is something I'm very much looking forward to.

****

*Sarcasm doesn't translate well online, does it?

**Nobody tells me what to do!!!!

Date Night

2009-06-29T20:42:00.002-07:00

BW is spending the night at his grandma's - my mom's - so MM and I decided to take in a movie. I keep hearing Hangover is good, so I asked MM if he'd like to grab some dinner and catch a movie after dropping BW off.

We decided* to have Chinese at a place the theater, but by the time we'd dropped off BW and ate, we'd missed our movie. Which was fine - we live really close to the theater, and the next movie started only an hour and ten minutes later.

On our way to the car, I pointed out the place I had wanted to try out for a pedicure. MM asked if I got a massage with the pedicure. Can you see where this is going?

We missed our movie, but MM had his first Mani-Pedi. MM picked out my color, and then we held hands while getting our feet massaged. MM had his manicure while I got my toenails painted. They couldn't talk him into a clear coat, but his hands and feet look lovely - smooth, lotioned, and dead-skin free. And he even said he'd go back and do it again.

Now if getting a pedicure with your hubby isn't romantic, I'm not sure what is.

****

*OK, I decided. Nobody ever wants to have Chinese with me, except M2. Sometime I guilt MM into it, but not nearly often enough.

Books For People Who Hate Their Children

2009-06-26T06:54:00.004-07:00

This gave me a great laugh this morning. Sent to me courtesy of my hilarious cousin, S.

It's filled with wonderful gems like,

“Great, I’m surrounded by cripples. And you can get high by huffing paint? Who knew? Me, now. Awesome.”

and

“That crack dealer lives in a GIANT MANSION! Screw fireman; I want to be a dealer when I grow up!”

Mixing It Up

2009-06-25T17:43:00.003-07:00

This* and this just piss me off. I have a tendency to be that person that gets all anxious and worked up about things I hear in the news. I try very hard to balance it all out. I don't want to stick my head in the sand, but I don't want to watch the news and see nothing but things like this either.

That being said, I've been mumbling "THIS is why we home school!" under my breath a lot lately.

***

My MIL has finally come clean about how she REALLY feels about us homeschooling. Needless to say, it's not supportive. Which is fine - it's a different decision, I don't expect everyone to think it's the right one. But the fact that she yells it at MM, and drops random comments to BW? Now that ticks me off.

My response is to just ignore the whole thing. I was mad, but now I'm over it. No big deal, she's entitled to her opinion. However, coupled with the fact that BW's birthday was June 6th and she still hasn't called, sent a card, an e-mail, something, well...that has me a little angry.

Actually beyond angry. I'm done. She has either forgotten entirely or has been reminded by someone else for the last four years. I get a feeling the only reason she remembered the first four was because I always called and invited her to his birthday parties. Who the hell forgets her grandchild's birthday? Oh yeah, the one who forgot her own son's when he was a kid....

So, I'm done. I was always the one who kept in touch, who made sure BW got to see them. MM didn't ever really make an effort one way or the other. So I quit, I give up.** From here on out, this can be MM's job. And since he rarely does anything to keep in touch, I guess that's that. I kind of feel bad about it, but I'm tired. I feel like if her own son doesn't think it's a priority, then why should I?

I guess I should explain that I'm a little touchy about this. Several years ago, I was accused of "keeping them away from their grandson" which was totally baseless. It irritates me that I was accused of this by the people who never make any effort on their end. Am I wrong? Anyone want to weigh in?

****

My friend C and I do this thing. I like to call it Celebrity Death/Natural Disaster Notification.*** Whoever hears first that something horrible happened quickly updates the other. As you can imagine, today was a busy day.

Farrah, Michael, and Ed, all gone. In what, 24 hours? Farrah and Ed we could all see coming. Michael was a bit of a surprise, though.

***

Work? Umm. It's work. I'm looking forward to finishing the training part up, which should be soon. Another day, and then next week we finally get to start doing what we were all hired for.

I did find out that I'll get 10 college credits for the training, so that was a nice little surprise. Not that it seems to count towards my major, but it's still nice. I'll be back in school in a few months, and I still haven't made a decision about what I'll do. I told MM my goal is to work as little as possible for as much money as possible, so I can be at home with BW more. I'm trying to plan out how exactly that'll work. At least I feel like it's a goal!

*****

*Ibuprofen. Strip searched over ibuprofen. Sure, that's a totally logical response. I would totally trust the school system that makes those sorts of calls. Wouldn't you?

**Nothing's good enough for anybody else, it seems.... Name that tune?

***I think it started with Princess Di. And I have no idea why it's continued, but we've notified each other of things like 9/11, the 2004 tsunami, and countless celebrity deaths. We didn't notify each other of Anna Nicole's passing, but later discussed the parameters of our system in response to her death, and what to do in future situations. And we're really not the celeb gossip type. I find the whole thing odd, but it is what it is.

Hi Bossy Readers!

2009-06-23T17:37:00.002-07:00

Hello visitors, new and old!

First, let me apologize for being spotty with the posts lately - as you can read, life has been a changin' for us here at What The Heck. I'm working on it, and you should be seeing more of me soon.

Second, welcome! I hope you all enjoy my blog. Take a minute, read a bit, and come back and visit often. Leave a comment, if you please. Let me know where you blog at, if you do!

Thanks for coming to visit, everyone!

Settled In

2009-06-14T07:36:00.002-07:00

We're officially in our own place. I haven't cooked any meals yet,* and we're revisiting our youth by sleeping on mattresses on the floor, but I can take a shower and get ready for work with ease. To me, if you can prepare for a day out without too much hassle, you're settled. My bar is pretty low, as you can see.

I've bought my first plants. Spearmint and rosemary, to be specific. I found some cute, reasonably priced terracotta pots at Target, and got them potted and set up on our patio wall. I even made some iced tea with sprigs of mint in it.

I'm happy to get going with some container plants - I have a list of them I want to get started on. It's fun to watch the local garden shows and see what I can do. My grandfather was a horticulturist and it makes me sad that he died before I really cared much about gardening. Now that I could really use his advice, it's too late. At least I know he'd be thrilled if he were still around!

As for work, it seems to be going well. It still makes me twitch when I think about all my student loans, and not finishing school, and what am I going to do about that, and on and on and on. But the job itself, it's good. I think I'll be good at it, when I finally make it through training.**

Have I mentioned that my last job in this same industry made me want to stab myself in the eye? So far I've had no urges in that direction. Maybe I never will. It's possible, right? Different company, different atmosphere, more internally driven direction on my end. Either way, I'm sure that one of two things will happen - I'll love the job, decide to change my major, and life will be good. Or, I'll not love the job, I'll quit and finish nursing school, and life will be good. I'm leaving myself open to both options, and I'll accept*** which ever one seems to work for us.

******

*Unless microwaving a bowl of soup counts??

**SIXTEEN weeks of training. Eight weeks of classroom training, and eight weeks of OJT. Crikey, it's a lot of training. But it's kind of nice - makes me all warm and fuzzy inside that it's so extensive. Says a lot about their priorities, I think.

***Gratefully. Very, very gratefully. That I'll have a choice, that I have options, that I won't feel trapped in a job I don't like, should that come to pass. That I have the option of school and a different career. I'm done with working because it's the only option - we spend too much time at work to not like what we're doing. If I'm going to work, I'm going to like it, dammit. And I will NOT let it interfere with how we raise BW.

A Place Of Our Own

2009-06-08T19:48:00.002-07:00

Wow! It's been a crazy couple of weeks.

We had a great time with BW this weekend. We hung out, shopped for some clothes, went to lunch, went to see Night At The Museum, and to B&N so BW could pick out some books.* BW also got his lovely curls shorn short for summer.** It was a busy couple of days, but lots of fun.

We found a new apartment and should be moving in on Wednesday. We were going to live with M1 for the next six months, but, you all know how it is. Sometimes things don't quite go as planned. All is well, but we thought it'd be best if we found our own place. On one hand it'll be really nice to be somewhere with a pool and where it's just the three of us. On the other hand, it was really, really nice seeing M1 and the kids every day, and I miss them already.

It took some searching, but we found an apartment we like with reasonable rent that's close to my new job. The management seems competent and the on-site staff is really nice. We're looking forward to having a little more room to spread out. It was nice to have MM there to do most of the looking and research. I just had to show up at a few places so we could pick one. With any luck, I'll get out of most of the moving and unpacking, too. Working does have it's good points!

I'm off to read some books to BW before bed time. Have a great week all, hopefully my next post will be from the comfort of my own place, rather than as a guest!

*****

*BW got to pick out whatever he wanted to get for his birthday at the bookstore. I chose one for him about gardening for kids - Grow It and Eat It - which looks wonderful. He chose two Seymour Simon books - Sharks and Stars. It made my heart sing. He not only was thrilled to be picking out books, but he picks out "school" books.

**It makes me sad, but I know they'll grow back.

Happy Birthday, BW!

2009-06-06T16:33:00.002-07:00

Eight years ago today, almost to the very minute, I was in the hospital six weeks earlier then planned having an emergency c-section. Daddy was there too, and he gave me a play by play of the whole procedure.* My doctor held you over the divider sheet after he pulled you out and you dripped goo all over my face, which still makes me laugh.

You were a tiny thing - only 4.7 lbs - and you looked like a tiny alien. They immediately whisked you away to NICU and stuck you full of tubes and needles, and sent me to another floor entirely for recovery. The next day I was finally able to get up and see you for the second time, and after our visit I came back to my room and sobbed. Your birth was not at all what I envisioned, and we were so worried about you being born early. You spent your first two weeks of life in NICU, with me travelling back and forth to see you from home.

The whole premature thing? Turned out to not matter a bit. You were a happy and healthy baby, who grew into a happy and healthy toddler, and then into a happy and healthy boy.

You're funny, smart, mouthy, loving, gorgeous, cuddly, sweet, curious, and a billion other things. Your father and I are so proud of you, and completely in awe of the fact that the two of us created such a wonderful being.

I love you each and every moment of every day, and I couldn't have picked a better son.

Happy eighth birthday, my love.

*****

*Which consisted of "OH MY GOD, THAT'S HER UTERUS????? HONEY, THEY JUST TOOK IT OUT OF YOUR BODY AND PUT IT ON YOUR STOMACH!!!!!"

Week One

2009-05-30T11:13:00.007-07:00

Week one at my new job has left me pretty happy. I'm am actually in shock and awe over the benefits this company offers. They pay for my school (in advance, on a pre-paid MasterCard, up to $5250 a year).* The health benefits are incredibly affordable, and they give me $3000 to pay for any expenses I incur that insurance doesn't cover. Ample paid time off. They have an onsite gym and will reimburse my fees if I use it.

On top of this, they actually seem 100% sincere in their caring for their customers and employees. The average tenure for employees is somewhere between eight and nine years. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, because, seriously? Too good to be true. Maybe they're all zombies, waiting to eat my brain? Everyone there has drank the Kool-Aid, and in all honesty, I'm a little freaked out by all the goodness and trust and integrity I keep seeing.

****

Today, I'm making crock-pot yogurt. I've never done it this way before, I've been using a pot on the stove and an oven. M1's oven light is burnt out and I can't think of another viable option for keeping the warmth. Thus the crock-pot. I think it may work, but only time will tell. I'll let you know how it goes. If I remember, which I may not. If you're interested, remind me.

****

Thursday night I went to the Desert Botanical Garden with some friends and saw the Chihuly exhibit. Unbelievably amazing. I wish I could post all of the 100+ pictures I took, but since I cannot, here is a sampling.

******

*Unfortunately, I'd have to change my major to take advantage of it. I have to say, I'm seriously considering it. They'll pay for English, History, Psych, and Sociology degrees, among many, many others. Several of the options appeal to me. Such a struggle since I've worked so hard at my pre-reqs for nursing, and had a plan in mind for my future. But what a nice struggle to have - I'm definitely not complaining about this opportunity!!!

I Am so SCREWED

2009-05-26T19:40:00.003-07:00

My new job has a really awesome cafe on site. As well as a three different coffee options, one of which is Starbucks. As in one of those little Starbucks kiosks that sell some of the menu items, but not all.

My badge can be used as a debit card at these places, and it comes directly out of my check.

This may be a problem.

Someone Should Invent Holographic Clothing

2009-05-25T17:06:00.003-07:00

It would totally solve my laundry problems.*

The only problem I can foresee is full frontal contact hugs. And crowded areas, like concerts or the subway. I think I'd freak out a bit if some stranger's penis brushed against me in an elevator.** And if your holograph machine ran out of batteries or something, that could be a problem. It would give new meaning to the phrase "wardrobe malfunction", now wouldn't it?

OK, maybe this isn't such a clever idea after all. Maybe we should just become nudists?

*****

*Problems as in, there's always more to do. ALWAYS. And I'm guessing work will put an end to wearing pajamas for 48 hours straight mid-week.

**Especially if said stranger was standing six inches away.

Science Center/Downtown Pics

2009-05-23T23:42:00.015-07:00

Rock climbing, a bed of nails (way cool!!!), Lego statues and buildings and whatnot. The Lego Knight exhibit was OK. Nothing special. Lots of Lego stations for kids to build on, which was good. Some cool displays. Nothing really earth shattering. I expected, I don't know, more buildings, bigger statues, cities of Legos. I guess I expected a mini Legoland.

******

I'll have to read up about this sculpture. There was a set of three, actually. All bugs, all with little people riding them, handing them these little puck-like things, and/or being pinched within claws. They were utterly fantastic, in a sort of creepy storybook way. My only issue is that they're metal. I don't know what I expected them to be made from, but seriously - sculptures that entice kids to climb on them + metal + Phoenix in July = "Are you totally fucking insane?" and "Who EXACTLY do I contact to pay for the treatment of these 3rd degree burns?"

*****

The Arizona Center. We walked over here after going to the Science Center. We had a lovely lunch, ice cream and then a stroll. The kids had fun playing in the grass and running around, and I soaked up the view, the buildings, and a great day out with one of my closest friends.

*****

The light rail train. My first trip on it, complete with a slightly loopy homeless person and a crackhead begging for cash. Gotta love it.

*****

This was on the side of a building we saw on the way home. A couple of questions come to mind: First, if you're watching, why do you need tips to catch vandals - shouldn't you have already seen who did it? And second, huh?!? This is so not helping the lingering feeling of post-background check paranoia.

Jack Does Las Vegas

2009-05-20T10:01:00.011-07:00

Jack hits the Strip.

Jack visits the M&M factory.

Jack heads to the seedier end of the Strip, possibly hoping to score some crack or a prostitute.

Jack visits the Stratosphere.

Oh yeah, BW and MM came, too.*

"Did you just fart?"
"Oh, man! My mouth was open!!"

Ah, "Paris" at dusk. Who needs France when you have Vegas?

BW: Hey!!! Look at that giant clown!!!
M1: Where??
BW: Right there!
M1: I don't see it.
BW: Wow, C. Your mom is blind.
M1: Hey!! I can hear you, you know.
BW: Well, duh! I said you were blind, not deaf.

BW begs for a hair cut. I'm refusing him and pulling the 'I gave birth to you so your hair is mine' card.**

*****

As you can see, I took a lot of pictures from the car window. In my defense, yes, I did realize my Jack antenna topper was in many of them. I figured I'd live with it, or maybe crop him out. Then it became funny. Mostly only to me.

*****

*This is the "No, we will not smile, now stop taking so many frickin' pictures of us!!!!" portion of our trip.

**I'm just the tiniest bit unreasonable about his hair. I love it longer. He does not. I figure there's plenty of time for him to choose his own hairstyle. Am I crazy?

Gambling = Crack

2009-05-19T22:27:00.002-07:00

So. I'm swearing off Vegas until I can forget the pain of losing all that money. Holy mother of pearl it was bad. I did well on the first day, but after that it was just one depressing loss after another. Since I had that initial bout of luck, I kept feeding the machines, hoping to hit it again. That little plan didn't work out so well. Luckily we swam and saw the sites and walked and walked and walked. An awesome time was had by all. And we didn't spend more than we could afford to/planned to lose. But, oh how I wanted to spend more.*

I changed my blog subtitle today. No more life in West Texas for us, it's all Phoenix, all the time. We are finally settled,** together, and not going anywhere anytime soon.*** It's kind of sad, kind of exciting. Sad in that I'll miss the W's (M2 and her family) so, so, so much. Exciting in that I went to Sprouts today and it was like a bulk aisle Disneyland. I've never been so excited over flour before! I swear I heard the Hallelujah chorus as I scooped blue corn flour into my bag. And the grains! Oh, the GRAINS!

Anyway....

I start work next Tuesday. I'm officially a working mom again. I even shopped today for (oh, the horror!!!) work clothes.**** I have the whole nervousexcitedanxious feeling going on with going back to work. But happy to have found something so quickly and easily. Happy and relieved!

And have I mentioned how much I love that MM gets to stay home with BW? He's even taking an active role in homeschooling. Math has always been MM's thing, and he's been skeptical about the math we've been doing up until now. He started working with BW himself today, just before they went golfing. Which, seriously? Awesome. A little homeschooling and then a day on the golf course with your dad? What a perfect day! And I'll take anything to do with reading or history over math any day, so it's win-win if you ask me. I still plan on working on CSMP like we have in the past, but it's always nice to have MM more involved and trying out some things he wants to do with BW.

*****

*I offered MM certain things in exchange for just a little more money. And was shot down. He'll vacuum for it, but draws the line at cash? WTF?

**Sorta.

***So says MM.

****Very depressing on a few different levels: I need to lose weight so there's that whole issue. Then after all the walking we did in Vegas, and the hours of walking done today, my feet are killing me. Not to mention my knee that I wrecked in a ATC accident when I was 15 is aching like mad from all the walking. I'm hobbling around like an old person. AND I really need to have my face waxed because I'm growing a beard. A BEARD. I now need to wax my FACE. No wonder MM won't pay for it. I'm turning into a crippled, hairy, casino whore. What is happening to me????

Happenings

2009-05-13T11:37:00.003-07:00

This is going to be a hodgepodge of updates all crammed into one post. Bear with me.

M2's Grandfather passed away Saturday. He was 98 years old. He was a huge part of M2's life and she's going to miss him so much. My heart breaks for her, T, and the kids. Grandpa loved ice cream, he ate it nearly every day and was always trying to give it to the kids. M2 has declared this Ice Cream Week in his honor, so please, go have some ice cream in memory of a wonderful man.

I've made it to Phoenix! We got here early Tuesday morning, and have spent the last day trying to organize a bit. We still have things all over the place - in storage, at friends' houses, at my mom's place - and it's crazy. I'm sure it's going to be a few weeks before I'm comfortable at M1's place. We plan on staying there until the end of the year, and hopefully won't be living out of suitcases the whole time.

It's not even June and it's already pretty warm here. I am NOT looking forward to this time next month. I just keep telling myself that it's only truly miserable here in Phoenix about four months out of the year. The rest of the time it's quite pleasant.

I was given a contingency offer for the job I interviewed for a few weeks ago. My background check hasn't come back yet,* but as long as that's clear I'll have a job. I start either the end of this month or the end of next month, depending on how quickly the check is completed.

I'm happy I don't have to search any further - I hate interviews and job searches and all that - but I'm a little disappointed that I have to go back to work before I finish school. It's really not a big deal, but, you know, just not what we had planned. The fact that I was offered a good job with great benefits and pay** we can live with in this economy, well, let's just say it's a big relief. We still are pretty secure financially, but the move and paying off our debts took a considerable amount of our profit from the sale of our house. It's nice to be working again while we still have a bit of a nest egg.

We're leaving for Vegas tomorrow. We've got a long weekend planned with the three of us, M1 and her two kids. I know Vegas isn't generally a family vacation spot, but we've rented a condo with a kitchen and we plan on doing a lot of family friendly things. I'm excited about going! With three adults, we'll be able to rotate child duties and get a little gambling in. It should work pretty well - we decided to spend a little to go on this trip, but having the kids will definitely keep us from spending more than we budget. Which is funny, because usually the opposite is true with our family. I'm a sucker when it comes to buying BW stuff on trips.

That's about it. Hopefully I'll be back to blogging regularly next week sometime, as I get settled in. I hope to establish some sort of routine, and I'm sure going back to work will force that particular issue of mine!

*****

*I'm always afraid that something horrible is going to be found. I have no idea why, there's really nothing to find. But until it comes back clear, I'm always a little paranoid. I'm strange like that.

**Which is roughly half of what MM was making, with the options of bonuses and overtime. We won't have a lot left over at the end of the week, but we'll make it until. We still hope to keep one of us home with BW until he's much older.

Apostracize

2009-05-06T19:21:00.003-07:00

I made up a new word today!

Apostracize: The act of shunning people for punctuating incorrectly on social networking sites.

My proofreading, grammar, and punctuation leave a lot to be desired, so I realize I shouldn't be casting stones. However, I gotta admit to feeling quite clever and extremely amused right now. Not that it takes much to make me feel that way....

Run For Your LIVES.....

2009-05-05T20:43:00.004-07:00

Be afraid....Be VERY afraid.....

Zombie robots!!! Need I say more?

Thanks to Zenmomma's Garden for this little heads up!

Whew! It's Over!!

2009-05-05T19:42:00.002-07:00

My semester is over. Tonight I took my last Anatomy and Physiology test and turned in my final photography project. What a relief!

These last few semesters have been pretty crazy. There was the whole deal with my crazy ex-SIL and us taking in Bubby, MM's promotion, our house selling, MM's job going by way of the oh-so-joyous lay off. Our decision to move back to AZ, living with M2 and her family, getting ready to move in with M1 in Phoenix. And there's still so much more to come....

Looking for work, shopping for a house, reacquainting ourselves with that desert heat. Not to mention the horrible traffic and lines at the grocery store, at the bank, at the post office, at the movies. But we'll be near family and friends, in a city we both grew up in, near museums and concerts and parks and zoos, and loving those gorgeous Arizona winters and springs.

I feel like tonight is an ending to a beautiful chapter of my life. Our life in Texas wasn't anything like I imagined it would be, and a lot has changed these last four years.

I met friends I'll love forever, who will be a part of my life forever. I was able to get started down a road that let me return to school, that led me to home schooling, that led me to being a better parent, a better wife, and hopefully a better person. I was able to really decide what my priorities were (are) and begin working with MM to align our individual wants and needs in ways that work for both of us.

There is still so much to be done. And things, as usual, didn't turn out anything like I had planned. But it's been fun (mostly), and I can't wait to see what happens for us next.

Just A Quicky

2009-05-04T10:04:00.002-07:00

Alternatively, How Swine Flu Has Changed My Life....

So, my final got bumped up a week and is now tomorrow. Which is really sort of awesome.* My school is being proactive and trying to get us done early in case we move to defcon six. I've been helping by pointing at anyone who coughs and yelling 'PANDEMIC!!!!' at them.

Since MM was flying in to drive home with me there was really no good way to change my travel plans. Instead, I get a week to just hang out with my hosts. I'm thrilled with that! To celebrate, I am neglecting my studying to play Farm Town and to blog. Luckily my impressively high** class average allows me to do this. It's my payoff for working so hard all semester long.

I attended my first Quincenaera this last weekend. Holy mother of pearl! It started out with the Mass and then moved to different venue for dinner and dancing. There was a DJ and then a band that came from Mexico to play.*** The whole thing morphed from a 15 year old's birthday celebration into something that resembled a wild club concert. There were hundreds of people there, people were scalping the invitations to get in, there was a bouncer type person at the door marking hands, cops in the parking lot issuing MIP tickets. Wowee! I'm guessing they aren't all like this? If they are, I have seriously been missing out.

Anywho, it's back to studying for me. I can't put it off too much, or I'll cry when it's test taking time. As much as I say it doesn't bother me to slack off, secretly, it makes me sort of anxious.

*****

*Thanks, Swine Flu!

**97.7%, in case you'd like to ponder the wonder that is my anatomical amazingness. Wait. That sounds weird. My scholastic amazingness? Is that better?

***Which scares me just a tiny, tiny bit. (PANDEMIC!!!!!)

Belief-O-Matic and Other News

2009-04-30T08:48:00.003-07:00

A Personality quiz about your religious and spiritual beliefs

Send it to a friendTo send your Belief-O-Matic Quiz results to a friend please click here.

Your Results

The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

How did the Belief-O-Matic do? Discuss your results on our message boards.

1.	Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2.	Neo-Pagan (97%)
3.	New Age (90%)
4.	Liberal Quakers (88%)
5.	Secular Humanism (83%)
6.	Theravada Buddhism (80%)
7.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (73%)
8.	Mahayana Buddhism (72%)
9.	Taoism (67%)
10.	Nontheist (56%)
11.	Reform Judaism (55%)
12.	Orthodox Quaker (47%)
13.	New Thought (47%)
14.	Scientology (42%)
15.	Sikhism (42%)
16.	Jainism (40%)
17.	Baha'i Faith (37%)
18.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (33%)
19.	Hinduism (31%)
20.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (23%)
21.	Orthodox Judaism (22%)
22.	Seventh Day Adventist (21%)
23.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (17%)
24.	Eastern Orthodox (12%)
25.	Islam (12%)
26.	Roman Catholic (12%)
27.	Jehovah's Witness (7%)

***

Welcome to my results for the Belief-O-Matic! Have I posted this before? My apologies, if I have!

They actually sound pretty close to right, although I was a little surprised that Neo-Pagan and New Age were so close to the top. Must be the nature lover in me. I did love that Liberal Quaker was within the top five. I have always had a special fondness for the Quakers, and now I know why.

***

I'm back safely from my quick trip to Phoenix. My interviewers managed to cram three meetings into a two day period, and all seemed to go well. I've been sent the info to go be drug tested*, as well and some stuff to fill out for a background check. It's looking promising, although I won't hear anything for sure for about another week.

On one hand, I'm hoping I get this job because the oil field is not picking up quickly and one of us needs to work. It's a great company with great benefits, but it's customer service. I really didn't want to go back to customer service. A teeny tiny part of me hopes they won't offer it to me at all so I can continue to be the stay at home parent. But I know that's unfair to MM, and in this economy, whoever can manage to get a job should be thankful for it.

MM and I have decided that one of us will work full-time and the other will work part-time or not at all so that BW can still be home schooled for as long as he wants to be. BW has mentioned trying school here and there, but thankfully hasn't been too serious about it so far. I'm perfectly willing to let him try it (in theory) but when I start looking into schools, it makes me a little queasy.

For the time being, MM is really enjoying being the primary parent. He's still looking for work, but he's thinking he wants to head back to the oil field so there's not much happening now. He's applied to a bunch of other things in Phoenix, but without any luck. As much as we hate it, it may be that I work until I get into nursing school full-time, and then he heads to NM or TX to work until I finish school.

With that in mind, he's enjoying his time off and spending loads of time having fun with BW. They're going to baseball games and skate parks quite frequently. They're hanging out and having fun. I love that they have this time to spend together! Especially if MM ends up working out of state next year.

I love planning our future, but hate the day to day process of making it all happen. I'm too impatient for it. I wish I could just get to the good stuff. I envision a future where I'm working as a travel nurse with Phoenix as our home base. We're traveling the U.S., seeing different places, spending time together as a family. My dreams** usually involve me making enough money for MM to be able to not work and be with BW. But the scraping by and getting through school and thinking about having MM work out of state and all that is starting to get to me. I want to skip ahead to the good part! I want to live the dream, not the details! Which, when I think about it, gives explanation to a lot of my personal issues.

Anyway.

I'm off to study and play Farm Town on Facebook.*** I have decided that both are evil. I won't even tell you the countless hours I've spent on both recently. It's sad, really. I think M2 is about to disown me over it.

******

*And I really, really hope that poppy seed salad dressing doesn't hang out in your system for too long. I really don't want to have to explain that I am NOT an opium junky. Simply a lover of poppy seeds.

**Most recently, they involve an Airstream trailer....I've taken a tour, and I've been converted. And Matthew McConaughey has one. Since he IS my secret lover, I must have one, too.****

***I'm spending even more time on FB now that I am able to switch the language to Pirate's English. Arrr. It takes so little to amuse me.

****I'm kidding. I do think it's pretty cool that Matthew has one, but it's really not that important to me. And I don't really do the secret lover and/or boyfriend thing. Although, if I were going to start? He'd be pretty high up on my list....Just saying.

FINALLY, Something To Blog About

2009-04-22T19:37:00.002-07:00

Since BW is in AZ and my A&P test was yesterday, I had nothing special to do today. I had an early dentist appointment* in town and after that, I decided to have a day of fun.

After the dentist, I went and had lunch, had coffee, then went for a massage.** Afterwards, I headed over to the cosmetology school for a facial and a seaweed wrap. All was wonderful. Right up until the end.

They finished up my wrap, and left me alone to get dressed. The chair/table I was on was much like a dentist's chair - rather than having legs at each corner, it had a stand in the center. It also had arms on the sides, effectively trapping me in the center of the chair.

In order to get a little leverage to get out, I raised my legs for an instant. That was all it took for the chair's center of gravity to change. I felt the chair slowly begin to tip backwards.

The whole thing happened in slow motion. The chair began tipping. I began sliding off the chair. Backwards and downwards. Head first. The next thing I knew, I was partially on the floor - my head and torso were on the ground, my legs and feet still on the chair angled towards the ceiling.

Naked.

There was nothing I could do at any point to save myself. Once the chair began flipping over, there was no way to stop it or save myself. I was unceremoniously dumped onto the floor, hitting my head on the garbage can.

Did I mention I was naked?

I picked myself off the floor, assessed the damage, got dressed, and went and told the girls who were working on me what happened. While they were quite concerned about whether or not I was OK, they didn't quite know what else to do.

I was sort of in shock - you know that 'just had an accident' feeling? Kind of shaky and jittery, not quite sure how you are yet? That's how I was feeling. And since it was closing time, and I said I was alright, the receptionist decided the only thing to do was to bill me for services rendered and shoo me out so they could lock up.

I paid because I wasn't quite sure what else to do, I was still a little out of it. She asked me if I wanted to add on a tip, which I found sort of ironic. I did tell her I didn't really feel it was appropriate to pay even more money, being as how I'D JUST BEEN DUMPED ONTO THE FLOOR. But I now feel guilty about it, since it wasn't the students' fault the chair/table thing sucked.

I feel like they should have gotten a supervisor, made more of an effort to make sure I was OK, had me sit for a minute to to regain my wits. I should have asked for a supervisor, sat down for a minute, and made sure I was really alright.

Since I didn't do any of those things, I headed for a sandwich shop and got dinner instead.***

*****

*Yay, still no cavities!! I love my teeth.

**Massage Envy has some great deals for new clients. It was $39 for a 60 minute massage, which is well worth it.

***And while I was there, while peeing no less, I got a call for a job I applied for in Phoenix. You'd think by now I'd have learned not to answer unknown callers when I'm peeing. They want me to come in and interview. In Phoenix. On Friday. I spent the rest of the day rushing around like mad, looking for an interview outfit and planning a last minute trip to Phoenix.***

****See what happens when I get greedy and try to take my day of freedom too far? I couldn't just stop at the massage, could I?

What Was I Thinking?

2009-04-16T09:08:00.004-07:00

I have a habit of replaying conversations in my head, and kicking myself for saying the things I said. Why, oh why, do some of these words come out of my mouth? Or, burst forth from my fingers, in the case of online chatting.

It's one thing to blog about trading sex for housework,* it's something completely different when you say it out loud to someone you barely know. Not that I've ever done that.

I tend to prattle on about odd things when I get nervous. I'm shy, so it happens somewhat frequently. And my sense of humor? Turns out not everyone is as amused by me as I am.**

Moving on.

So, 26 more days until my final exam in Anatomy. MM will be coming here in 24 days to help pack up and to drive home with me. He is ready for me to be in Phoenix - like "I'll pick you up when your test is over and we'll drive through the night" ready. My only wish is that I could pack up M2 and her family and bring them along. I gotta say, for me, that's the only downside of leaving West Texas. That, and these sunsets......

*With my husband....It's a completely legitimate way to get the house cleaned. To the best of my knowledge, it won't work with Merry Maids.

**Shocked, are you?

So Alive.....

2009-04-15T20:23:00.002-07:00

I couldn't decide whether to title this 'So Alive' or 'No New Tale to Tell' - both of which are currently true. As you may have noticed, I'm in a Love and Rockets sort of mood. Unfortunately, my head is not full of magic, baby, but here I am anyway.

BW and I spent Easter weekend in Phoenix with my hubby and mom. It was a great weekend, complete with Easter egg hunting, candy, and the like. We really don't celebrate Easter - we're more humanist/agnostic than anything else - but we do do* the whole family dinner/Easter egg coloring rituals. I still don't get where the whole bunny/eggs thing came from, and it confounds me each and every year. I really should Google it.

MM and I got to spend a night alone together. We booked ourselves a nice place in Scottsdale for a little alone time. I looked at my itouch and got the time wrong (apparently it doesn't automatically update like a cell phone) and we went out to dinner at 4:00 pm. We were also asleep by 9:00 pm. If it weren't for the gourmet Easter breakfast, the little hot tub on our private patio, the beauty of the desert in spring, and an afternoon of us time,** it hardly would have been worth it.

This weekend also firmed up my conclusion that both MM and I do not like sharing the same bed. I miss my husband, but man do I like sleeping alone! I'm sure people will think we're odd, but we both agree that we'll be setting up two different beds according to our own preferences. I want to be close enough to each other to hold hands and chat as we fall asleep, but far enough away to ensure knees and elbows stay with the person to which they belong. Rather than in my spleen.***

There's still no job, no prospects of a job, no interviews, nada, nothing, zilch. We're thinking at this point MM will be unemployed until something happens in the oil field, and then he'll be travelling back and forth between Phoenix and his job site, with BW and I coming when we can. At least that's the plan for now. We're pretty flexible. My friends are all still saying "if you move to Phoenix" even though MM and all our stuff is there. We tend to change things up on a whim.

Since MM is still unemployed, BW ended up staying in Phoenix with his daddy and my mom. He was having a rough time here - nothing major, but he really missed he dad. We decided since he'd been here with me for a while, it was time for him to spend some time with MM. It's only been a few days, but so far, so good. I know he misses me, but he's having a great time and seems pretty happy with things. I'm feeling a little off - it's not often I have no real responsibility other than myself. It's making me a little antsy. I've holed up in my room with the latest Clive Cussler**** and my Mac to acclimate myself. I may be ready to face the world by the weekend.

I've been working on picking out fabrics and ordering purses from my wonderful friend SuziQ, the Goddess of Purses. I have four gifts I've had to figure out between February and June, and this year they're all getting a purse. Lucky, lucky ladies! I'm going to try my best to give them to the people I am shopping for. Rather than keep them all for myself, as tempting as that will be.

So that's about it - a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I've been in my own little bubble, neglecting my blog and my Facebook Farm. My cartoon crops have all died. A real travesty, I know. I'm slowly but surely giving up on the notion of having a 'normal' life any time soon. And you know what? It's all OK. Life is good. ;)

*********

*Ha ha ha! Makes me laugh every time....

**A very impressive afternoon of 'us time', know what I mean, know what I mean, nudge nudge, say no more.

***Just the thought of how much cheaper twin or full sheet sets are makes me all tingly with glee. Finally, I will no longer feel guilty shopping for the thread count I desire!! Luxurious bedding is almost within my grasp!!!

****Plague Ship, in case you were wondering. I grabbed it at the airport Monday and finished it earlier today. I give it two thumbs up. If you're into that sort of action/adventure novel, Clive never disappoints.

Why I Can't Lift My Arms Over My Head....

2009-04-07T07:46:00.002-07:00

I took BW out yesterday for a day-o'-fun.* I had planned on taking him to see a couple of drive-in movies (two for $6, can't beat that) and spend some time at the local putt-putt place. Unfortunately, the putt-putt place didn't open until later in the day** so we ended up going to Main Event. I am now both hobbled and penniless.

We spent about nine hours there playing video games, laser tag,*** mini-golf, and bowling. All but the video games were in that black lighted, glowy, flashing environment that makes me feel like I'm going to have a seizure. I am so sore and achy, I can barely walk. Between the bowling and laser tag, my arms feel like jell-o. And not just because they're all fat and jiggly, like normal.

It's more apparent to me than ever that I need to institute some sort of physical readiness program before I can attempt a week at Disney. Yesterday made me realize I would never make it through a day in the Magic Kingdom without some serious training.

In other news, I joined Weight Watchers again.**** I did make it nearly two weeks being mostly raw. (Mostly being the operative word.) It wasn't enough for me. I found that I was still out of control with my eating, even while raw.***** And that I couldn't stick to it. I really, really, really like cooked food. I do feel much better, though. My body definitely needed that cleanse after all the garbage I'd been eating.

Up until yesterday, I was meat free. I did have some chicken for both lunch and dinner. I think that most of the time I am happy not eating meat, but I don't think I want to eliminate it from my life forever. I do, however, want to at least make most of the meat I eat organic. I figure if I'm eating a lot less of it, I should be able to afford organic.

Anyway, I started tracking everything I eat (shudder) and found that it was way, way more than I thought it was. I'm still sticking to mostly raw foods, but I am adding cooked meals or portions of meals in when I feel like it. I'm still eating loads and loads of fruits and vegetables. I'm sticking to whole grains and organics when I can. I'm hoping that all this combined will help me get healthier. It's a continuing battle. I promise not to talk about too much, though. It gets old fast.

MOM: SKIP THIS NEXT PART. YOU WILL BE COMPLETELY DISGUSTED WITH ME. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

And last but not least....Airfare from Phoenix to Hawaii? Oh my. Very cheap. My resistance is weakening. Yes, it is totally irresponsible to go to Hawaii when neither of us have jobs. I know this. But since I've never been totally responsible, I really don't see the problem. I keep reading articles about how people are using their unemployment time to recharge, travel, and find a more fulfilling life path. We're unemployed. We need to find new direction. I'm always up for travel. I think a trip to Hawaii is exactly what I need. And mom? Since I know you're still reading, it'd be really fun if you came along. Think of it as our own personal little family reunion.....

****

*Please read with your best pirate and/or Irish accent. Feel free to add an 'Arrrr' if appropriate.

**Totally not cool for us homeschoolers. One of the pros of living in a big city again will be that businesses like that are generally open all day. I think.

***OH MY GOOD GOLLY GRACIOUS. LASER TAG IS FRICKIN' AWESOME.

****Why yes, I do find it impossible to remain monogamous to one eating plan. I really should seek counseling for my inability to commit.

*****Nuts. Nuts are how you can be out of control with your eating while raw. Give me a loophole, and I can destroy even the healthiest of plans. (And [[cough]] cookie dough. Which is raw. Right?)

Charlie Browned

2009-04-01T19:35:00.003-07:00

Wow. Apparently last month I purged all the posts within, 'cause lately, when it comes to stuff to write about? I got nothin'.

I've been studying and studying for this week's A&P test, and other than that, nothing too exciting has been happening. I'm still trying to stick to as near to raw as possible. Which definitely isn't 100% raw, but pretty darn close. I'm going to do a three day OJ fast starting tomorrow - oranges are cheap at our local grocery store, and M2 suggested it as a way to cleanse my body out a little more, and possible kick start some weight loss. In the past, too much citrus gave me horrible heart burn, but I'm going to give it a go and see what happens. After that, I'll go back to mostly raw with a smattering of cooked foods added in here and there. Pretty much what I'm doing now.

***

My son learned the meaning of April Fools Day this afternoon.

His tumbling class in held in this really huge building. The parents sit at one end, and the equipment begins about 15 or 20 feet in and goes on for what seems like an eternity. At the end of the lesson they get free time, which generally involves jumping into a giant pit of foam squares, climbing a wall and jumping into said pit, swinging from a rope into the pit - you get the idea.

BW was swinging from the rope into the foam pit and wanted to make sure we were all watching. He comes alllllllll the way back to tell us (M2 and her three kids, plus me) to watch his next trick and then takes off at a run towards the rope.

He runs. And he runs. He approaches the rope, his instructor readying it for his swing. BW leaps into the air, arms out, ready to grab that rope - and his instructor whips it out of the way. BW goes flying into the pit, full steam ahead, arms a'flailing.

After we all regained composure, the only thing I could say was, "He got Charlie Browned!"

Apparently his instructor did it and then said, "April Fools!" BW was a little disappointed that he didn't get to show us his trick, but he was laughing about the whole thing. Luckily he's got a sense of humor.

***

My Eco-resolution for this month....Much like Zayna, I have no idea what to do. I guess I'm not going to tax my brain by thinking of something new and different, but I am going to commit to eating 100% vegetarian for the next six weeks. It's really kind of taking the easy way out of doing things, since M2 and her family are vegetarian, but it's about all I feel capable of right now.

I'm afraid I'm not going to be very committed to much more than getting by right now. I'm still adjusting to all this, and it's all I can do to keep up some of the changes I've already made. I'm feeling a little emotionally drained. I was all set to have our time in limbo over with the sale of the house, but no such luck. Things are definitely better, but, well, you know. No need to prattle on about it....

I'll just wrap this up with a tidy little 'Happy Spring' to everyone. Hope everyone's April Fools Day was fun!

Raw

2009-03-27T21:02:00.002-07:00

We've been eating extremely unhealthy foods for the past month or more - stuff I had really gotten away from eating, like Chicken McNuggets and cheeseburgers and fries and chips. I had been doing pretty well before - I wasn't losing weight, but I was eating mostly vegetarian, and lots and lots of fruits and veggies. Too much bread and pasta and butter and oils, but at least soda and processed chicken parts were no longer a part of my daily diet....

I eat when I'm stressed, when I'm sad, when I'm celebrating, when I'm bored - you get the idea. When I'm packing up my house and moving, healthy eating is generally too much to ask of me. I know this is bad, and I know this leads to my body feeling horrible. I'm sure part of the reason for this ungodly sinus infection is because I hadn't had a single healthy thing to eat in weeks.

But now that all that fun stuff is behind me, I'm attempting a raw diet. I've done it in the past - briefly, for about a month - but I really felt great while I was on it. It was a good way to kick start healthier eating habits then, and I'm hoping to do the same thing now. Most of the weight I'd lost over the last few years has slowly found it's way back home, and it's time to do something about it.*

Tuesday, the adults of the house started raw. Our commitment is for two weeks, and then we'll re-assess.** I'm finding it's much easier to stick to soemthing like this while living with other people who are doing to do it with you. (MM was a steak and potatoes kind of guy, and he would have no part in the experiment.)

So, day four into the whole thing, and other than some hot tea one day and organic brown rice (vegan, even!) sushi, I've done well. Other than the bread*** I haven't even felt like I had to try that hard to stay raw. (Although, there's home-made bread in the other room, and I swear to you it is summoning me as we speak.) I haven't even had COFFEE for four days. Considering all the coffee and coke and diet Dr. Pepper I'd been guzzling before this, that's quite an accomplishment.

I do find it odd though - going from all caffeine all the time to nothing, I'd expect some side-effects. Maybe they're building up, waiting to burst forth at some inopportune moment. I'll let you know, should that be the case. In the meantime, I'll take it as an sign that my body was sick of the garbage I'd been giving it, and happy for the change.

Wish me luck, everyone. It's not easy for me to eat healthy, as my ass constantly reminds me. I need to make some permanent changes. Hopefully this will get me started with a healthier, more whole way of eating for good.

******

*Hopefully this will last longer than my half-marathon training plan. And by plan, I mean I walked for a week or so, skipped several days, started over, and then gave up all pretenses of doing it and deleted all records from my blog sidebar.

**I originally typed re-assess as reasses. Which amused me because I instantly tried to use re-ass in a sentence. As in, "I've re-assed since I stopped exercising." [Thank you everyone, I'll be here all week!]

***I swear I start to salivate every time I think of it. Home made bread.....Mmmm.

Spiders Have Implanted Eggs in my HEAD

2009-03-24T04:18:00.002-07:00

Not really, but that's the first thing I thought of when I found these ginormous lumps in the back of my head a week ago. Did you know you have lymph nodes in the back of your head? Me neither.

So going up over the mountains to Phoenix made my sinuses freak out, and typical me figures I'll just ride it out. By Friday, I decided a week of this crap was enough, so I hit the Walgreens Take Care clinic - did you know that some Walgreens have little medical clinics in them?

Anyway, I told them I'm allergic to penicillin.

"But can you take sulfa?" they ask.

"Ummmm, well, I have this weird reaction to alcohol sometimes...." I respond.*

"But are you allergic to sulfa?"

"I don't know....Not that I'm aware of....."

So guess what? I have a reaction to sulfa. I get all red and prickly.** Just like when I drink wine or eat certain foods. The reaction is mild, and I really don't want to get a different prescription at this point (four days in), am I being stupid to just live with it? And do I explain to people that just because I'm bright red and twitchy (the prickles kind of feel like bugs in my hair) that I'm not drunk and/or mentally unstable?***

And since we're on the topic of medications, I found out this week that the med we give our dog for her seizures is some sort of bitchin' get-you-high prescription drug. The vet kept saying it was a controlled substance, but I didn't really think too much about it until my husband LOST two months worth of pills during the move.****

Calling the vet and begging them to call in another prescription to a pharmacy in another state was fun. It's a good thing my vet is awesome and knows us pretty well. They've spent a lot of time with us trying to get the seizures under control so they know we're not just drug addicts using our dog as a cover. I hope. I guess if we lost pills on a regular basis, one would wonder.

Moving on.

We drove by our ex-house last night, and there were lights on and I kind of freaked out. It was weird to leave my husband and dogs in Phoenix. We lived there for so many years, we have so many friends there, it really is 'home' for me. Coming back here where I basically have M2 and her family as my only close friends, where I have no house of my own, where MM is not, where I never really fit in - I feel very much like I don't belong here, like I shouldn't be here. It was very hard to come back. I'm not sure why, but I didn't expect to feel that way. I'm thankful I'm so comfortable with M2 and her family. Even though I don't really want to be where I'm at locationally,***** I do feel welcomed and at home in my temporary residence. How many people can you feel that way with?

We are once again financially stable - with even a little bit of wiggle room. Our debts are mostly paid off, just our (smallish) car payments and student loans left. We have money to live off of, a decent sized income from unemployment benefits, and enough money for a down payment on our next house. We left Phoenix at the right time - when housing prices were near their peak - and we're coming back at the right time - when housing prices have plummeted.

Life is good, what more can I say?

*I get all red and flushed when I drink even the tiniest bits of wine. Someone told me it was sulfides, sulfates, something like that. I didn't know it was all related. But I'd have thought that statement would have triggered more than a blank stare from a pharmacist....Live and learn.

**And not in a good way, either.

***This totally explains the strange looks at the zoo yesterday. I thought it was because I forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair again. Does anyone else do that, or is it just me? Because I'm sad to say this isn't the first time.....

****At least I think he lost it. Now I'm thinking maybe someone just stole them for nefarious purposes. Leaving my dog to seize. Bastards.

*****Is too a word.